Dramatis Personae
FRIPPERY, the broker-gallant
PRIMERO, the bawd-gallant
[Justinian] GOLDSTONE, the cheating-gallant
PURSENET, the pocket-gallant
TAILBY, the whore-gallant
FITSGRAVE, a gentleman
BUNGLER, cousin to Mistress Newcut
PYAMONT
ARTHUR, servant to Frippery
FULK, servant to Goldstone
BOY, servant to Pursenet
JACK, servant to Tailby
MARMADUKE, servant to Mistress Newcut
[Two FELLOWS]
[Jeronimo Bedlam, a SERVANT friendly to Fitsgrave]
[A SERVANT of the Mitre]
[VINTNER, named Jack]
[Two DRAWERS]
[Two GENTLEMEN]
[TAILOR]
[SERVANTS to Mistresses Cleveland, Newbold, and Tiffany]
[Two CONSTABLES]
[PAINTER]
KATHERINE, a wealthy orphan
MISTRESS NEWCUT, a merchant's wife
NOVICE
[Three] COURTESANS

INDUCTION

I.[i. A room in Frippery's house.]

[Frippery discovered summing up his pawns, one Fellow standing by him.] Enter a Second Fellow [led in by Arthur].

ARTHUR
Is your pawn good and sound, sir?

SECOND FELLOW
I'll pawn my life for that, sir.

ARTHUR
Place yourself there then; I will seek to prefer it presently. My master is very jealous of the pestilence; marry, the pox sits at meat and meal with him.

[Second Fellow retires.]

FRIPPERY
[Reads] "Lent the fifth day of September to Mistress Onset upon her gown [and] taffeta petticoat with three broad silver laces, three pound fifteen shillings. Lent to Justice Cropshin upon both his velvet jackets, five pound ten shillings. Lent privately to my Lady Newcut upon her gilt casting-bottle and her silver lie-pot, fifty-five shillings."

ARTHUR
Sir--

FRIPPERY
[Reads] "Lent to Sir Oliver Needy upon his taffeta cloak, beaver hat, and perfumed leather-jerkin, six pound five shillings."

ARTHUR
May it please your worship--

FRIPPERY
[Reads] "Lent to Master Andrew Lucifer upon his flame-coloured doublet and blue taffeta hose"--Top the candle, sirrah; methinks the light burns blue: when came that suit in?

ARTHUR
'T'as lain above the year now.

FRIPPERY
Fire and brimstone! Cut it out into matches; the white linings will serve for tinder.

ARTHUR
And with little help, sir; they are almost black enough already. Sir, here's another come with a pawn.

FRIPPERY
Keep him aside awhile, and reach me hither the bill of the last week.

ARTHUR
'Tis here at hand, sir.

FRIPPERY
Now, sir, what's your pawn?

FIRST FELLOW
The second part of a gentlewoman's gown, sir; the lower half, I mean.

FRIPPERY
I apprehend you easily, the breeches of the gown.

FIRST FELLOW
Very proper, for she wears the doublet at home; a guest that lies in my house, sir; she looks every hour for her cousin out a' th' country.

FRIPPERY
O, her cousin lies here; 'a may mistake in that. My friend, of what parish is your pawn?

FIRST FELLOW
Parish? Why, Saint Clement's, sir.

FRIPPERY
[To Second Fellow] I'll come to you presently. [To First Fellow] What parish is your pawn, my friend? [Reads] "Saint Bride's, five; Saint Dunstan's, none; Saint Clement's, three." Three at Clement's? Away with your pawn, sir, your parish is infected! I will neither purchase the plague for sixpence in the pound and a groat bill-money, nor venture my small stock into contagious parishes: you have your answer; fare you well, as fast as you can, sir.

FIRST FELLOW
The pox arrest you, sir, at the suit of the suburbs!

FRIPPERY
Ay, welcome, welcome.

FIRST FELLOW
For, I think, plague scorns your company.

Exit.

FRIPPERY
I rank with chief gallants; I love to smell safely. [Reads] "Lent in the vacation to Master Proctor upon his spiritual gown five angels, and upon his corporal doublet fifteen shillings; sum, three pound five shillings."

ARTHUR
Sir--

FRIPPERY
Now, sir?

ARTHUR
[Bringing forward a trunk] Here's one come in with a trunk of apparel.

FRIPPERY
Whence comes it?

ARTHUR
From Saint Martin's-in-the-Field.

FRIPPERY
Saint Martin's-in-the-Field? [Reads] "Saint Mary Maudlin, two; Saint Martin's, none." Here's an honest fellow; let him appear, sir.

ARTHUR
You may come near, sir.

FRIPPERY
O welcome, welcome; what's your pawn, sir?

SECOND FELLOW
Faith, a gentlewoman's whole suit, sir.

FRIPPERY
Whole suit? 'Tis well.

SECOND FELLOW
A poor, kind soul, troubled with a bad husband; one that puts her to her shifts here.

FRIPPERY
He puts here from her shifts, methinks, when she is fain to pawn her clothes.

SECOND FELLOW
Look you, sir; a fair satin gown, new taffeta petticoat--

FRIPPERY
Stay, this petticoat has been turned.

SECOND FELLOW
Often turned up and down, and you will, but never turned, sir.

FRIPPERY
Cry you mercy, indeed.

SECOND FELLOW
A fine white beaver, pearl band, three falls; I ha' known her have more in her days.

FRIPPERY
Alas, and she be but a gentlewoman of any count or charge, three falls are nothing in these days! Know that: tut, the world's changed; [gentlewomen's] falls stand upright now; no sin but has a bolster, that it may lie at ease. Well, what do you borrow of these, sir?

SECOND FELLOW
Twelve pounds, and you will, sir.

FRIPPERY
How?

SECOND FELLOW
They were not her's for twenty.

FRIPPERY
Why, so; our pawn is ever thrice the value of our money, unless in plate and jewels; how should the months be restored and the use else? We must cast it for the twelvemonth, so many pounds, so many months, so many eighteenpences; then the use of these eighteenpences; then the want of the return of those pounds: all these must be laid together; which well considered, the valuation of the pawn had need to sound treble. Can six pound pleasure the gentlewoman?

SECOND FELLOW
It may please her, but, like a man of three-score, in the limberest degree.

FRIPPERY
I have but one word more to say in't; twenty nobles is all and the utmost that I will hazard upon't.

SECOND FELLOW
She must be content with't: the less borrowed, the better paid; come.

FRIPPERY
Arthur.

ARTHUR
At hand, sir.

FRIPPERY
Tell out twenty nobles, and take her name in a bill.

SECOND FELLOW
I'm satisfied, sir.

[Exit with Arthur.]

FRIPPERY
Welcome, good Saint Martin's-in-the-Field, welcome, welcome! I know no other name.

Enter Primero.

PRIMERO
What, so hard at your prayers?

FRIPPERY
A little, sir; summing up my pawns here--what, Master Primero, is it you, sir gallant? And how does all the pretty, sweet ladies, those plump, kind, delicate blisses, ha? whom I kiss in my very thoughts? How do they, gallant?

PRIMERO
Why, gallant, if they should not do well in my house, where should it be done, boy? Have I not a glorious situation?

FRIPPERY
O, a gallant receipt: violet air, curious garden, quaint walks, fantastical arbours, three back doors, and a coach-gate! Nay, thou'rt admirably seated: little furniture will serve thee; thou'rt never without moveables.

PRIMERO
Ay, praise my stars! Ah, the goodly virginities that have been cut up in my house, and the goodly patrimonies that have lain like sops in the gravy! And when those sops were eaten, yet the meat was kept whole for another, and another, and another; for as in one pie twenty may dip their sippits, so upon one woman forty may consume their patrimonies.

FRIPPERY
Excellent, Master Primero!

PRIMERO
Well, I'll pray for women while I live;
They're the profitablest fools, I'll say that for 'em,
A man can keep about his house; the prettiest kind fowl,
So tame, so gentle, e'en to strangers' hands
So soon familiar, suffer to be touch'd
Of those they ne'er saw twice: the dove's not like 'em.

FRIPPERY
Most certain, for that's honest: but I have
A suit to you.

PRIMERO
And so have I to you.

FRIPPERY
That happens well: grant mine, and I'll grant yours.

PRIMERO
A match.

FRIPPERY
Make me perfect in that trick that got you so much at primero.

PRIMERO
O, for the thread tied at your partner's leg,
The twitch?

FRIPPERY
Ay, that twitch and you call't so.

PRIMERO
That secret twitch got me five hundred pound
Ere 'twas first known, and since I ha' sold it well:
Five hundred pound laid down shall not yet buy
The fee-simple of my twitch: I would be here with't.
'Twas a best invention;
I'd been a beggar many a lousy year
But for my twitch: it was the prettiest twitch!
Many over-cheated gulls have fatted
Me with the bottom of their patrimonies,
E'en to the last sop, gaped while I fed 'em,
Who now live by that art that first undid 'em,
But I must swear you to be secret, close.

FRIPPERY
As a maid at ten.

PRIMERO
Had you sworn but two years higher
I would ne'er ha' believ'd you.

FRIPPERY
Nay, I let twelve alone,
For after twelve has struck, maids look for one.

PRIMERO
I look for one too, and a maid, I think.

FRIPPERY
What, to come hither?

PRIMERO
Sure, she follows me:
A pretty, fat-eyed wench, with a Venus in her cheek; did but raiment smile upon her, she were nectar for great dons, boy: and that's my suit to thee.

FRIPPERY
And that's granted already. Of what volume is this book, that I may fit a cover to't?

PRIMERO
Faith, neither in folio nor in decimo sexto, but in octavo, between both; a pretty, middle-sized trug.

FRIPPERY
Then I have fitted her already, in my eye, i'faith. Here came a pawn in e'en now will make shift to serve her as fit! Look you, sir [gallant]: satin, taffeta, beaver, fall, and all.

PRIMERO
Is it new?

FRIPPERY
New? You see it bears her youth as freshly.

PRIMERO
A pretty suit of clothes, i'faith: but put case the party should come to redeem 'em of a sudden?

FRIPPERY
Pooh, then your wit's sickly: have not I the policy, think you, to seem extreme busy, and defer 'em till the morrow? Against which time that pawn shall be secretly fetched home, and another carried out to supply the place.

PRIMERO
I like thy craft well there.

FRIPPERY
A general course. O, frippery is an unknown benefit, sir gallant!

PRIMERO
And what must I give you for the hire now, i'faith?

FRIPPERY
Of the whole suit, for the month?

PRIMERO
Ay, for the month.

FRIPPERY
Go to, you shall give me but twelvepence a-day; Master Primero, you're a friend, and I'll use you so: 'tis got up at your house in an afternoon, i'faith, the hire of the whole month. Ye must think I can distinguish spirits, and put a difference between you and others; you pay no more, i'faith.

PRIMERO
I could have offered you no less myself.

FRIPPERY
Tut, a man must use a friend as a friend may use him: your house has been a sweet house to me, both for pleasure and profit; I'll give you your due: omne tulit punctum, you have always kept fine punks in your house, that's for pleasure, qui miscuit utile dulci, and I have had sweet pawns from 'em, that's for profit now.

PRIMERO
You flatter, you flatter, sir gallant. But whist! Here she enters: I prithee, question her.

Enter Novice.

O, you're welcome!

FRIPPERY
Is this your new scholar, Master Primero?

PRIMERO
Marry, is she, sir.

FRIPPERY
I'll commend your judgment in a wench while I live: that face will get money, i'faith; 'twill be a get-penny, I warrant you. [To Novice] Go to, your fortune was choice, pretty bliss, to fall into the regard of so kind a gentleman.

NOVICE
I hope so, sir.

FRIPPERY
See what his care has provided already for you; you'll be simply set out to the world! If you'll have that care now to deserve his pains, O, that will be acceptable! And these be the rudiments you must chiefly point at: to counterfeit cunningly, to wind in gentlemen with powerful attraction to keep his house in name and custom, to dissemble with your own brother, never to betray your fellows' imperfections nor lay open the state of their bodies to strangers, to believe those that give you, to gull those that believe you, to laugh at all under taffeta; and these be your rudiments.

PRIMERO
There's e'en all, i'faith; we'll trouble you with no more. Nay, you shall live at ease enough: for nimming away jewels and favours from gentlemen, which are your chief vails, [I] hope that will come naturally enough to you, I need not instruct you; you'll have that wit, I trust, to make the most of your pleasure.

NOVICE
I hope one's mother-wit will serve for that, sir.

PRIMERO
O, properest of all, wench! It must be a she-wit that does those things, and thy mother was quick enough at it in her days.

FRIPPERY
Give me leave, sister, to examine you upon two or three particulars: and make you ready, be not ashamed; here's none but friends. Are you a maid?

NOVICE
Yes, in the last quarter, sir.

FRIPPERY
Very proper, that's e'en going out: a maid in the last quarter, that's a whore in the first. Let me see, new moon on Thursday; she'll be chan[g]ed by that time, too. Are you willing to pleasure gentlemen?

NOVICE
We are all born to pleasure our country, forsooth.

FRIPPERY
Excellent! Can you carry yourself cunningly, and seem often holy?

NOVICE
O, fear not that, sir! My friends were all Puritans.

FRIPPERY
I'll ne'er try her further.

PRIMERO
She's done well, i'faith: I fear not now to turn her loose to any gentleman in Europe.

FRIPPERY
You need not, sir: of her own accord, I think she'll be loose enough without turning. Arthur!

Enter Arthur.

ARTHUR
Here, sir.

FRIPPERY
Go, make haste, shift her into that suit presently.

ARTHUR
It shall be done.

PRIMERO
Arthur, do't neatly, Arthur.

ARTHUR
Fear't not, sir.

PRIMERO
Follow him, wench.

NOVICE
With all my heart, sir.

[Exeunt Arthur and Novice.]

PRIMERO
[But, mass, sir],
In what are we forgetful all this while!

FRIPPERY
In what?

PRIMERO
The wooing business, man.

FRIPPERY
Heart, that's true!

PRIMERO
The gallants will prevent us.

FRIPPERY
Are you certain?

PRIMERO
I can avouch it: there's a general meeting
At the deceas'd knight's house this afternoon;
There's rivalship enough.

FRIPPERY
No doubt in that:
Would either thou or I might bear her from 'em!

PRIMERO
My hopes are not yet faint.

FRIPPERY
Nor mine.

PRIMERO
Tut, man.
Nothing in women's hearts sooner win[s] place
Than a grave outside and an impudent face.

FRIPPERY
And for both those we'll fit it.

PRIMERO
Ay, if the devil
Be not in't: make haste.

FRIPPERY
I follow straight.

Exit Primero.

Vanish, thou fog, and sink beneath our brightness,
Abashed at the splendour of such beams!
We scorn thee, base eclipser of our glories,
That wouldst have hid our shine from mortal's eyes.
Now, gallants, I'm for you, ay, and perhaps before you:
You can appear but glorious from yourselves,
And have your beams but drawn from your own light,
But mine from many: many make me bright.
Here's a diamond that sometimes graced the finger of a countess; here sits a ruby that ne'er lins blushing for the party that pawned it; here a sapphire. O providence and fortune! My beginning was so poor, I would fain forget it; and I take the only course, for I scorn to think on't; slave to a trencher, observer of a salt-cellar, privy to nothing but a closestool, or such unsavoury secret[s]: but as I strive to forget the days of my serving, so I shall once remember the first step of my rising; for, having hardly raked five mark together, I rejoiced so in that small stock, which most providentially I ventured by water to Blackwall among fishwives; and in small time, what by weekly return and gainful restitution, it rize to a great body, beside a dish of fish for a present, that stately preserved me a seven-night.
Nor ceas'd it there, but drew on greater profit;
For I was held religious by those
That do profess like abstinence,
And was full often secretly supplied
By charitable Catholics,
Who censur'd me sincerely abstinate,
When merely I for hunger, [not] for zeal,
Eat up the fish, and put their alms to use!
Ha, ha, ha!
But those times are run out; and, for my sake,
Zealous dissemblance has since far'd the worse.
Let me see now, whose cloak shall I wear today to continue change? O Arthur!

Enter Arthur.

ARTHUR
Here, sir.

FRIPPERY
Bring down Sir Oliver Needy's taffeta cloak and beaver hat--I am sure he is fast enough [in the knight's ward]--and Andrew Lucifer's rapier and dagger with the embossed girdle and hangers,

[Exit Arthur.]

for he's in his third sweat by this time, sipping of the doctor's bottle, or picking the ninth part of a rack of mutton, dry-roasted, with a leash of nightcaps on his head like the pope's triple crown, and as many pillows crushed to his back, with, "O the needles!" For he got the pox of a sempster, and it pricked so much more naturally. Quick, Arthur, quick!

[Enter Arthur with the pawned items, which Frippery puts on.]

Now to the deceas'd knight's daughter,
Whom many gallants sue to, I 'mongst many;
For since impudence gains more respect than virtue,
And coin [than] blood, which few can now deny,
Who're your chief gallants then but such as I?

[Exeunt.]

[I.ii. A room in Katherine's house]

Enter Katherine and Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
You do your beauties injury, sweet virgin,
To lose the time they must rejoice in youth:
There's no perfection in a woman plac'd
But wastes itself though it be never wasted;
Then judge your wrongs yourself.

KATHERINE
Good Master Fitsgrave,
Through sorrow for the knight my father's death,
Whose being was the [perfection] of my joy
And crown of my desires, I cannot yet
But forcedly on marriage fix my heart:
Yet heaven forbid I should deject your hopes!
Conceive not of me so uncharitably;
I should belie my soul if I should say
You are the man I never should affect.
I understand you thus far, you're a gentleman,
Whom your estate and virtues may command
To a far worthier breast than this of mine.

FITSGRAVE
O cease! I dare not hear such blasphemy.
What is without you worthy I neglect;
In you is plac'd the worth that I respect.
Vouchsafe, unequall'd virgin, [to] accept
This worthless favour from your servant's arm,
The hallow'd beads, whereon I justly kept
The true and perfect number of my sighs.
Gives a chain of pearl.

KATHERINE
Mine cannot equal yours, yet in exchange
Accept and wear it for my sake.

Gives a jewel.

FITSGRAVE
Even as my [life] I'll rate it.

Enter Goldstone, Pursenet, Tailby, Frippery, Primero, and Boy, at the farther door.

GOLDSTONE
Heart! Fitsgrave in such bosom single-loves?

PURSENET
So close and private with her!

TAILBY
Observe 'em; he grows proud and bold.

FRIPPERY
Why, was not this a general meeting?

PRIMERO
By her own consent. Death, how I could taste his blood!

KATHERINE
See, the gentlemen,
At my request, do all present themselves.

GOLDSTONE
Manifold blisses wait on her desire,
Whose beauty and whose mind so many honour!

KATHERINE
I take your wishes thankfully, kind gentlemen,
All here assembled, over whose long suits
I ne'er insulted;
Nor, like that common sickness of our sex,
Grew proud in the abundance of my suitors,
Or number of the days they sued unto me.
Dutiful sorrow for my father's death,
Not wilful coyness, hath my hours detain'd
So long in silence.
I'm left to mine own choice: so much the more
My care calls on me. If I err through love,
'Tis I must chide myself; I cannot shift
The fault unto my parents, they're at rest,
And I shall sooner err through love than wealth.

GOLDSTONE
Good!

PURSENET
Excellent!

TAILBY
That likes me well.

PRIMERO
Hope still.

KATHERINE
And my affections do pronounce you all
Worthy their pure and most entire deserts:
Yet they can choose but one;
Nor do I dissuade any of his hopes,
Because my heart is not yet thoroughly fix'd
On marriage or the man,
But crave the quiet respite of one month,
The month unto this night; against which time
I do invite you all to that election,
Which, on my unstain'd faith and virgin promise,
Shall light amongst no strangers, but yourselves.
May this content you?

While she is speaking, the Boy steals from her the chain of pearl.

ALL
Glad and content.

KATHERINE
'Tis a good time to leave;
Till then commend us to your gentlest thoughts.

Exit.

ALL
Enough.

FITSGRAVE
Ough!

The gallants look scurvily upon Fitsgrave, and he upon them. Exeunt Goldstone, Tailby, Frippery, and Primero. As Pursenet is going out, the Boy takes him into a corner.

BOY
Hist, master, hist!

PURSENET
Boy, how now?

BOY
Look you, sir.

PURSENET
Her chain of pearl?

BOY
I sneck'd it away finely.

PURSENET
Active boy,
Thy master's best revenue, his life and soul!
Thou keep'st 'em both together: whip away.

[Exit Boy.]

[Aside] Fall back, fall belly, I must be maintained:
Hope is no purchase;
Nor care I if I miss her. Why I rank
In this design with gallants, there's full cause;
Policy invites me to it :
'Tis not for love, or for her sake alone;
It keeps my state suspectless and unknown.

Exit.

FITSGRAVE
Their looks run through and through me, and the stings
Of their snake-hissing whispers pierc'd my hearing.
They're mad she grac'd me with one private minute
Above their fortunes: I've observed 'em often
Most spitefully aspected toward my happiness,
Beyond all others; but the cause I know not.
A quiet month the virgin has enclos'd
Unto herself; suitors stand without till then:
In which space cunningly I'll wind myself
Into their bosoms. I've bethought the shape;
Some credulous scholar, easily infected
With fashion, time, and humour: unto such
Their deepest thoughts will, like to wanton fishes,
Play above water, and be all parts seen:
For since at me their envy pines, I'll see
Whether their lives from touch of blame sit free.

Exit.

II.[i. A room in Primero's house]

Enter Primero, meeting Mistress Newcut.

PRIMERO
Mistress Newcut, welcome: here will be choice of gallants for you anon.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Is all clear? May I venture? Am I not seen of the wicked?

PRIMERO
Strange absurdity, that you should come into my house, and ask if you be not seen of the wicked! Push! I take't unkindly, i'faith: what think you of my house? 'Tis no such common receptacle.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Forgive me, sweet Master Primero: I can be content to have my pleasure as much as another, but I must have a care of my credit; I would not be seen anything else. My husband's at sea, and a woman shall have an ill report in this world, let her carry herself never so secretly; you know't, Master Primero. And what choice of gallants be they? Will they be proper gentlemen, think you?

PRIMERO
Nay, sure they are as proper as they will be already.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
And I must have choice, you know; I come for no gain, but for sheer pleasure and affection.

PRIMERO
You see your old spy-hole yonder; take your stand, please your own eye. I'll work it so, the gallants shall present themselves before you, and in the most conspicuous fashion.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
That's all I can desire [aside] till better come.--Look you.

PRIMERO
What mean you, lady?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
A trifle, sir, to buy you silver spurs. Good sir, accept it.

[Gives money and retires.]

PRIMERO
Silver spurs? A pretty emblem! Mark it; all her gifts are about riding still: the other day she sent me boot-hose wrought in silk and gold; now silver spurs. Well, go thy ways, thou'rt as profitable a spirit as e'er lighted into my house.
Come, ladies, come, 'tis late; to music. When?

Enter Courtesans and Novice.

FIRST COURTESAN
You're best command us, sir! Our pimp's grown proud.

PRIMERO
To fools and strangers these are gentlewomen
Of sort and worship, knight's heirs, great in portions,
Boarded here for their music;
And oftentimes 't 'as been so cunningly carried,
That I have had two stolen away at once,
And married at Savoy, and prov'd honest shopkeepers:
And I may safely swear they practis'd music;
They're natural at prick-song. A small mist
Will dazzle a fool's eye, and that's the world:
So I can thump my hand upon the table
With an austere grace, and cry, "One, two, and three,"
Fret, stamp, and curse, foh, 'twill pass well for me.

Enter Boy.

How now, sirrah?

BOY
They're coming in, sir, and strangers in their company.

PRIMERO
Tune apace, ladies. [To Boy] Be ready for the song, sirrah.

Enter Goldstone, Pursenet, Frippery, Tailby, Fitsgrave disguised, and Bungler.

GOLDSTONE
Nay, I beseech you, gallants, be more inward with this gentleman; [his parts deserve it].

PURSENET
Whence comes he, sir?

GOLDSTONE
Piping hot from the university; he smells of buttered loaves yet; an excellent scholar, [aside] but the arrantest ass! [Presenting Bungler] For this our solicitor, he's a rare fellow five-and-forty mile hence, believe that: his friends are of the old fashion, all in their graves; and now has he the leisure to follow all new fashions, ply the brothels, practise salutes and cringes.

PURSENET
O!

GOLDSTONE
Now dear acquaintance,
I'll bring you to see fashions.

FITSGRAVE
What house is this, sir?

GOLDSTONE
O, of great name: here music is profess'd;
Here sometimes ladies practise, and the meanest,
Daughters to men of worship,
Whom gentlemen, such as ourselves, may visit,
Court, clip, and exercise our wits upon;
It is a profess'd courtesy.

FITSGRAVE
A pretty recreation, i'faith!

GOLDSTONE
I seldom saw so few here: you shall have 'em sometimes in every corner of the house, with their viols betwixt their legs, and play the sweetest strokes; 'twould e'en filch your soul almost out of your bosom.

FITSGRAVE
Pax on't, we spoil ourselves for want of these things at university.

GOLDSTONE
You have no such natural happiness: let's draw near.

PRIMERO
Gentlemen, you are all most respectively welcome.

GOLDSTONE
We are bold and insatiate suitors, sir, to the breath of your music, and the dear sight of those ladies.

PRIMERO
And what our poor skill can invite you to,
You're kindly welcome: you must pardon 'em, gentlemen,
Virgins and bashful, besides new beginners:
'Tis not a whole month since they were first enter'd.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] Seven year in my knowledge.

PRIMERO
They blush at their very lessons; they'll not endure
To hear of a stop, a prick, or a semiquaver.

FIRST COURTESAN
O, out upon you !

PRIMERO
La, I tell you. You'll bear me witness, gentlemen,
If their complaints come to their parents' ears,
They're words of art I teach 'em, nought but art.

GOLDSTONE
Why, 'tis most certain.

BUNGLER
For all scholars know that musica est ars.

ALL THE COURTESANS
O, beastly word!

PRIMERO
Look to the ladies, gentlemen.

GOLDSTONE
Kiss again.

PURSENET
Come, another.

TAILBY
This a good interim.

[Exit.]

PRIMERO
What have you done, sir?

BUNGLER
Why, what have I done?

PRIMERO
Saw you their stomachs queasy, and come with such gross meat?

BUNGLER
Why, is't not Latin, sir?

PRIMERO
Latin? Why, then, let the next to't be Latin too.

PURSENET
So, enough.

GOLDSTONE
Nay, I can assure you thus far, I that never knew the language have heard so much that ars is Latin for art; and it may well be, too, for there's more art in't nowadays than ever was.

PRIMERO
Is't possible?
I'm sorry then I've followed it so far.

FIRST COURTESAN
A scholar call you him?

PRIMERO
Music must not jar:
The offence is satisfied. Come, to the song;
Begin, sir.

The song; and he keeps time, shows several humours and moods: the boy in his pocket nims away Fitsgrave's jewel here, and exit.

BUNGLER
Not a whole month since you were entered, ladies?

FITSGRAVE
[Aside] None that shall see their cunning will believe it.

PRIMERO
It is no affliction, gentlemen.

BUNGLER
I care not much, i'faith, if I write down to my father presently to send up my sister in all haste that I may place her here at this music-school.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
[Looking in] 'Slid, 'tis the fool my cousin! I would not for the value of three recreations he had seen me here.

PRIMERO
How like you your new prize?

BUNGLER
Pray, give me leave;
I have not yet sufficiently admir'd her.

PRIMERO
My wits must not stand idle. 'Slife, he's in a sick trance!

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] A cheat or two among these mistresses
Would not be ill bestow'd; I affect none,
But for my prey: such are their affections,
I know it; how could drabs and cheaters live else?
Then since the world rolls on dissimulation,
I'll be the first dissembler.

FIRST COURTESAN
Prithee, love, comfort, choice,
My only wish, in thee I am confin'd!
Deny me anything, a slight chain of pearl?

PURSENET
Nay, an't be but slight--

FIRST COURTESAN
Being denied,
I prize it slight; but given me by my love,
Light shall not be so dear unto my eye,
Mine eye unto the body, as the gift.

PURSENET
How have I power to deny this to you,
That command all? My fortunes are thy servants,
And thou the mistress both of them and me.

Gives her the chain.

FIRST COURTESAN
The truest that e'er breathed!

GOLDSTONE
To a gentleman
That thus so long has so sincerely lov'd you
As I myself, ne'er was less pity shown.

SECOND COURTESAN
Why, I never was held cruel.

GOLDSTONE
But to me.

SECOND COURTESAN
Nor to you.

GOLDSTONE
Go to, 't 'as scar'd you much.

SECOND COURTESAN
I'm sorry your conceit is so unkind
To think me so.

GOLDSTONE
When had I other argument?
I've often tender'd you my love and service,
And that in no mean fashion;
Yet were you ne'er that requiteful mistress
That grac'd me with one favour;
'Slight, not so much as such a pretty ring;
Pax on't, 't'as almost broke my heart.

Takes off her ring.

SECOND COURTESAN
Has took it off! 'Sfoot, Master [Goldstone]!

GOLDSTONE
Nay, where a man loves most, there to be scanted!

SECOND COURTESAN
My ring, come, come--

GOLDSTONE
What reckon I a satin gown or two,
If she were wise?

SECOND COURTESAN
Life! My ring, sir, come--

GOLDSTONE
Have you the face, i'faith?

SECOND COURTESAN
Give me my ring.

GOLDSTONE
Prithee, hence; by this light you get none on't.

SECOND COURTESAN
How?

GOLDSTONE
I hold your favours of more pure esteem,
Than to part from 'em; faith, I do, howe'er
You think of me.

SECOND COURTESAN
Push, pray, sir--

GOLDSTONE
Hark you, go to;
You've lost much by unkindness; go your ways.

SECOND COURTESAN
'Sfoot!

GOLDSTONE
But yet there's no time past; you may redeem it.

SECOND COURTESAN
Come, I cannot miss it, i' faith; beside,
The gentleman that bestowed it on me
Swore to me it cost him twenty nobles.

GOLDSTONE
Twenty nobles? Pox of twenty nobles!
But you must cost me more, you pretty villain:
Ah, you little rogue!

SECOND COURTESAN
Come, come, I know you're but in jest.

GOLDSTONE
In jest? No, you shall see.

SECOND COURTESAN
No way will get it:
[Aside] As good give it him now, and hope for somewhat.

GOLDSTONE
True love made jest!

SECOND COURTESAN
I did but try thy faith,
How fast thou'dst hold it. Now I see a woman
May venture worthy favours to thy trust,
And have 'em truly kept; and I protest,
Had I drawn't from thee, I should ne'er ha' lov'd thee;
I know that.

GOLDSTONE
'Sfoot, I was ne'er so wronged in my life!
Think you I'm in jest with you? What, with my love?
I could find lighter subjects, you shall see;
And time will show how much you injure me.

SECOND COURTESAN
The ring, were it thrice worth, I freely give,
For I know you'll requite it.

GOLDSTONE
Will I live?

SECOND COURTESAN
Enough.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] Why, this was well come off now:
Where's my old serving-man? Not yet return'd?
O, here he peeps.

Enter Fulk.

Now, sirrah?

FULK
May it please your worship: they're done artificially, i'faith, boy.

GOLDSTONE
Both the great beakers?

FULK
Both, lad.

GOLDSTONE
Just the same size?

FULK
Ay, and the marks as just.

GOLDSTONE
So, fall off respectively now.

FULK
My lord desires your worship of all love--

GOLDSTONE
His lordship must hold me excused till morning; I'll not break company tonight. Where sup we, gallants?

PURSENET
At Mermaid.

GOLDSTONE
Sup there who list, I have forsworn the house.

FULK
[Aside] For the truth is, this plot must take effect at Mitre.

Exit.

[PURSENET]
Faith, I'm indifferent.

BUNGLER
So are we, gentlemen.

PURSENET
Name the place, Master Goldstone.

GOLDSTONE
Why, the Mitre, in my mind, for neat attendance, diligent boys, and, push, excels it far!

ALL
Agreed, the Mitre then.

[PURSENET]
Boy! [Aside] Some goodness toward: the boy's whipped away.

FITSGRAVE
The jewel, heart, the jewel!

GOLDSTONE
How now, sir? What mov'd you?

FITSGRAVE
Nothing, sir;
A spice of poetry, a kind a' fury,
A disease runs among scholars.

GOLDSTONE
Mass, it made you stamp.

FITSGRAVE
Whew,
'Twill make some stamp and stare, make a strange noise,
Curse, swear, beat tire-men, and kick players' boys;
The effects are very fearful.

PURSENET
Bless me from't!

FITSGRAVE
O, you need not fear it, sir. [Aside] Hell of this luck!

GOLDSTONE
Hark, he's at it again!

PURSENET
Some pageant-plot,
Or some device for the tilt-yard: disturb him not.

FITSGRAVE
[Aside] How can I gain her love, when I have lost her favour?

[GOLDSTONE]
What money hast about thee? [Look you, sir, I must be fain to pawn a fair stone here for ordinary expenses: a pox of my tenants! I give 'em twenty days after the quarter, and they cut out forty.]

FRIPPERY
Why, you might take the forfeiture of their leases then.

GOLDSTONE
I know I might; but what's their course? The rogues come me up all together, with geese and capons, and petitions in pigs' snouts, which would move any man, i'faith, were his stomach ne'er so great; and to see how pitifully the pullen will look, it makes me after relent, and turn my anger into a quick fire to roast 'em--nay, touch't and spare it not.

FRIPPERY
'Tis right: well, what does your worship borrow of this, sir?

GOLDSTONE
The stone's twenty nobles.

FRIPPERY
Nay, hardly.

GOLDSTONE
As I am a right gentleman.

FRIPPERY
It comes near it indeed: well, here's five pound in gold upon't.

GOLDSTONE
'Twill serve; and the ring safe and secret?

FRIPPERY
As a virgin's.

GOLDSTONE
I wish no higher. What, gallants, are you constant? Does the place hold?

ALL
The Mitre.

GOLDSTONE
Sir, in regard of our continued boldness and trouble, which love to your music hath made us guilty of, shall we entreat your worship's company, with these sweet ladies, your professed scholars, to take part of a poor supper with myself and these gentlemen at the Mitre?

FRIPPERY
Pray, Master Primero.

PURSENET
I beseech you, sir, let it be so.

PRIMERO
O, pardon me, sweet gentlemen; the world's apt to censure. I have the charge of them, they're left in trust, they're virgins: and I dare not hazard their fames; the least touch mars 'em: and what would their right worshipful parents think, if the report should fly to them, that they were seen with gentlemen in a tavern?

GOLDSTONE
All this may be prevented: what serves your coach for?
They may come coach'd and mask'd.

PRIMERO
You put me to't, sir;
Yet I must say again, I fear the drawers
And vintner's boys will be familiar with them,
And think 'em mistresses.

PURSENET
There are those places where respect seems slighter;
More censure is belonging to the Mitre?
You know that, sir.

PRIMERO
Gentlemen, you prevail.

GOLDSTONE
We'll all expect you there.

PRIMERO
And we'll not fail.

FITSGRAVE
The devil will ne'er dissemble with them so,
As you for them.

GOLDSTONE
Come, sir.

FRIPPERY
What else? Let's go.

Exeunt [all except Primero, Courtesans and Novice]. Enter Tailby.

PRIMERO
How cheer you, sir?

TAILBY
Faith, like the moon, more bright,
Decreas'd in body, but re-made in light;
Here thou shalt share some of my brightness with me.

[Gives Primero gold.]

PRIMERO
By my faith, they're comfortable beams, sir.

FIRST COURTESAN
Come,
Where have you spent the time now from my sight?
I'm jealous of thy action.

TAILBY
Push! I did but walk
A turn or two in the garden.

FIRST COURTESAN
What made you there?

TAILBY
Nothing but cropp'd a flower.

FIRST COURTESAN
Some woman's honour, I believe.

TAILBY
[Showing her a flower] Foh! Is this a woman's honour?

FIRST COURTESAN
Much about one,
When both are pluck'd, their sweetness is soon gone.

TAILBY
Prithee, be true to me.

FIRST COURTESAN
When did I fail?

TAILBY
Yet I am ever doubtful that [you] sin.

FIRST COURTESAN
I do account the world but as my spoil,
To adorn thee:
My love is artificial to all others,
But purity to thee. Dost thou want gold?
Here, take this chain of pearl, supply thyself:
Be thou but constant, firm, and just to me,
Rich heirs shall want ere want come near to thee.

TAILBY
Upon thy lip I seal sincerity.

Exit First Courtesan.

SECOND COURTESAN
Was this your vow to me?

TAILBY
Pox, what's a kiss to be quite rid of her?
She's su'd so long, I was asham'd of her:
'Twas but her cheek I kiss'd neither, to save her Ionging.

SECOND COURTESAN
'Tis not a kiss I weigh.

TAILBY
Had you weigh'd this,
'T 'ad lack'd above five ounces of a true one;
No kiss that e'er weigh'd lighter.

SECOND COURTESAN
'Tis thy love that I suspect.

TAILBY
My love? Why, by this-- What shall I swear by?

SECOND COURTESAN
Swear by this jewel; keep thy oath, keep that.

TAILBY
By this jewel, then, no creature can be perfect
In my love but thy dear self.

SECOND COURTESAN
I rest [content].

Exit.

TAILBY
Ha, ha, ha! Let's laugh at 'em, sweet soul.

NOVICE
Ay, they may laugh at me;
I was a novice, and believ'd your oaths.

TAILBY
Why, what do you think of me? Make I no difference
['Tween] seven years' prostitution and seven days?
Why, you're but in the wane of a maid yet.
You wrong my health in thinking I love them:
Do not I know their populous imperfections?
Why, they cannot live till Easter,
Let 'em show the fairest side to th' world,
Like hundreds more, whose clothes e'en stand upright
In silver, when their bodie[s] are ready
To drop through 'em; such there be; they may deceive
The world, they ne'er shall me.

NOVICE
Forgive my doubts;
And for some satisfaction wear this ring,
From which I vow'd ne'er but to thee to part.

TAILBY
With which thou ever bind'st me to thy heart.

Exeunt.

[II.ii. A street]

Enter Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
My pocket pick'd? This was no brothel-house!
A music school? Damnation has fine shapes:
I paid enough for the song, I've lost a jewel
To me more precious than their souls to them
That gave consent to filch it. I'll hunt hard,
Waste time and money, trace and wheel about,
But I will find these secret mischiefs out.

Enter Servant.

[Aside] How now? What's he?
O, a servant to my love: being thus disguis'd,
I'll learn some news.--Now, sir? You belong to me.

SERVANT
I do, sir; but I cannot stay to say so. Nay, good sir, detain me not; I am going in all haste to inquire or lay wait for a chain of pearl, nimmed out of her pocket the fifth of November, a dismal day.

FITSGRAVE
Ha! A chain of pearl, sayst thou?

SERVANT
A chain of pearl, sir, which one Master Fitsgrave, a gentleman and a suitor, fastened upon her as a pledge of his love.

FITSGRAVE
Ha!

SERVANT
Urge me no more, I have no more to say
Your friend, Jeronimo Bedlam.

Exit.

FITSGRAVE
Thou'rt a mad fellow indeed.
Some comfort yet, that hers is missing too;
I feel my soul at much more ease: both stol'n!
When griefs have partners they are better borne.

Exit.

[II.iii. A room in Primero's house]

Enter Tailby.

TAILBY
[Singing] O, the parting of us twain
Hath caus'd me mickle pain!
And I shall ne'er be married
Until I see my muggle again.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
[Looking in] Hist!

PRIMERO
Ha?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
The nimble gentleman, in the celestial stockings--

PRIMERO
Has the best smock-fortune to be beloved of women. [Singing] Valle loo lo, lille lo lillo, valle loo lee lo lillo!

TAILBY
[Singing] Valle loo lo, lille [lo] lillo, valle loo lee lo lillo!

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Ah, sweet gentleman, he keeps it up stately!

PRIMERO
Well held, i'faith, sir: mass, and now I remember too, I think you ne'er saw my little banqueting box above since I altered it.

TAILBY
Why, have you altered that?

PRIMERO
O, divinely, sir! The pictures are all new run over again.

TAILBY
Fie!

PRIMERO
For what had the painter done, think you? Drew me Venus naked, which is the grace of a man's room, you know; and, when he had done, drew a number of oaken leaves before her: had not lawn been a hundred times softer, made a better show, and been more gentlewoman-like?

TAILBY
More lady-like a great deal.

PRIMERO
Come, you shall see how 'tis altered now; I do not think but you'll like her.

Exeunt.

[II.iv. A room in the Mitre]

Enter all at once[: Primero, Courtesans, Novice, Goldstone, Pursenet, Frippery, Tailby, Bungler, Fulk, Arthur, Boy, and Servant.]

PRIMERO
Where be your liveries?

FIRST COURTESAN
They attend without.

PRIMERO
Go, call the coach.

[Exit Servant.]

Gentlemen, you have excelled in kindness as we in boldness.

TAILBY
So you think amiss, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Kind ladies, we commit you to sweet dreams,
Ourselves unto the fortune of the dice.
Dice, ho!

Exit Primero.

FIRST COURTESAN
You rest firm mine?

TAILBY
E'en all my soul to thee.

Exit First Courtesan.

SECOND COURTESAN
You keep your vows?

TAILBY
Why, do I breathe or see?

Exit Second Courtesan.

NOVICE
Is your love constant?

TAILBY
Ay, to none but thee.

Exit Novice.

Now gone, ay, now I love nor them nor thee;
'Slife, I should be cloy'd, should I love one in three.

Enter Fitsgrave.

PURSENET
O, here's Master Bouser now.

FITSGRAVE
Save you, sweet gentlemen.

TAILBY
Sweet Master Bouser, welcome.

PURSENET
When come these dice?

VINTNER
[Within] Anon, anon, sir.

PURSENET
Yet anon, anon, sir!

GOLDSTONE
[Taking Fulk aside] Hast thou shown art in 'em?

FULK
You shall be judge, sir; here be the tavernbeakers, and here peep out the fine alchemy knaves, looking like, well, sir, most of our gallants, that seem what they are not.

GOLDSTONE
Peace, villain, am not I in presence?

FULK
Why, that puts me in mind of the jest, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Again, you [chatterer]?

FULK
Nay, compare 'em, and spare 'em not.

GOLDSTONE
The bigness of the bore, just the same size; the marks, no difference. Away, put money in thy pocket, and offer to draw in upon the least occasion.

FULK
I am no babe, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Hist!

FULK
What's the matter now?

GOLDSTONE
Give me a pair of false dice ere you go.

FULK
Pax on't, you're so troublesome too, you cannot remember a thing before! If I stay a little longer, I shall be staid anon.

Enter Vintner.

VINTNER
Here be dice for your worships.

PURSENET
Oh, come, come!

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] The vintner himself?
I'll shift away these beakers by a slight.

VINTNER
Master Goldstone--

GOLDSTONE
How now, you conjuring rascal?

VINTNER
Bless your good worship; you're in humours, methinks.

GOLDSTONE
Humours? Say that again.

VINTNER
I said no such word, sir.
[Aside] Would I had my beakers out on's fingers!

GOLDSTONE
What's thy name, vintner?

VINTNER
Jack, and please your worship.

GOLDSTONE
Turn knight, like thy companions, scoundrel, live upon usury, wear thy gilt spurs at thy girdle for fear of slubbering.

VINTNER
Oh no, I hope I shall have more grace than so, sir! Pray, let me help your worship.

GOLDSTONE
Cannot I push 'em together without your help?

VINTNER
O, I beseech your worship! They're the two standards of my house.

GOLDSTONE
Standards? There lie your standards.

VINTNER
Good your worship. [Aside] I am glad they are out of his fingers: my wife shall lock 'em up presently; they shall see no sun this twelvemonth's day for this trick.

GOLDSTONE
Let me come to the sight of your standards again.

VINTNER
Your worship shall pardon me. [Aside] Now you shall not see 'em in haste, I warrant ye.

GOLDSTONE
I do not desire't. Ha, ha!

Exit Vintner with beakers.

FITSGRAVE
Why, Master Goldstone!

GOLDSTONE
I am for you, gallants. Master Bouser, cry you mercy, sir: why supped you from us?

FITSGRAVE
Faith, sir, I met with a couple of my fellow pupils at university, and so we renewed our acquaintance and supped together.

GOLDSTONE
Fie, that's none of the newest fashion, I must tell you that, Master Bouser: you must never take acquaintance of any 'a th' university when you are at London; nor any of London when you're at university. You must be more forgetful, i'faith; every place ministers his acquaintance abundantly.

BUNGLER
He tells you true, sir.

GOLDSTONE
I warrant you here's a gentleman will ne'er commit such an absurdity.

BUNGLER
Who, I? No: 'tis well known, if I be disposed, I'll forget any man in a seven-night, and yet look him in the face: nay, let him ride but ten mile from me, and come home again, it shall be at my choice whether I'll remember him or no: I have tried that.

GOLDSTONE
This is strange, sir.

BUNGLER
'Tis as a man gives his mind to't, sir: and now you bring me in, I remember 'twas once my fortune to be cozened of all my clothes, and with my clothes my money; a poor shepherd, pitying, me, took me in and relieved me.

GOLDSTONE
'Twas kindly done of him, i'faith.

BUNGLER
Nay, you shall see now: 'twas his fortune likewise, not long after, to come to me in much distress, i'faith, and with weeping eyes; and do you think l remembered him?

GOLDSTONE
You could not choose.

BUNGLER
By my troth, not I; I forgot him quite, and never remembered him to this hour.

GOLDSTONE
And yet knew who he was?

BUNGLER
As well as I know you, i'faith: 'tis a gift given to some above others.

[FITSGRAVE]
[Aside] To fools and knaves; they never miss on't.

BUNGLER
Does any make such a wonder at this? Why, alas! 'Tis nothing to forget others! What say you to those that forget themselves?

GOLDSTONE
Nay, then, to dice.
Come, set me, gallants, set.

FRIPPERY
Ay, fall to't, gentlemen.
[Aside] I shall hear some news from some of you anon:
I've th' art to know which lose, and ne'er look on.
I'll be ready with all the worst money I can find about me.--
Arthur!

ARTHUR
Here, sir.

FRIPPERY
Stand ready.

ARTHUR
Fear not me, sir.

GOLDSTONE
These are mine, sir.

FRIPPERY
[Aside] Here's a washed angel;
It shall away : here's Mistress Rose-noble
Has lost her maidenhead, crack'd in the ring;
She's good enough for gamesters, and to pass
From man to man: for gold presents at dice
Your harlot, in one hour won and lost thrice;
Every man has a fling at her.

TAILBY
Again? Pax of these dice!

BUNGLER
'Tis ill to curse the dead, sir.

[TAILBY]
Mew, where should I wish
The pox but among bones?

FITSGRAVE
He tells you right, sir.

TAILBY
I ne'er have any luck at these odd hands;
None here to make us six? Why, Master Frip!

FRIPPERY
I am very well here, I thank you, sir: I had rather be telling my money myself than have others count it for me; 'tis the scurviest music in the world, methinks, to hear my money gingle in other men's pockets; I never had any mind to't, i'faith.

TAILBY
'Slud, play six or play four, I'll play no more.

GOLDSTONE
'Sfoot, you see there's none here to draw in.

FULK
Rather than you should be destitute, gentlemen, I'll play my ten pound, if my master's worship will give me leave.

PURSENET
Come.

TAILBY
He shall, he shall.

GOLDSTONE
Pray, excuse me, gentlemen. [To Fulk] 'Sfoot, how now, goodman rascal? What, because you served my grandfather when he went ambassador, and got some ten pound by th' hand, has that put such spirit in you to offer to draw in among gentlemen of worship, knave?

TAILBY
Pray, sir, let's entreat so much for once.

PURSENET
'Tis a usual grace, i'faith, sir; you've many gentlemen will play with their men.

BUNGLER
Ay, and with their maids too, i'faith.

PURSENET
Good sir, give him leave.

GOLDSTONE
Yes, come, and you be weary on't; I pray draw near, sir.

FULK
Not so, sir.

TAILBY
Come, fool, fear nothing; I warrant 't ye has given thee leave: stand here by me. Come now, set round, gentlemen, set.

PURSENET
How the poor fellow shakes! Throw lustily, man.

FULK
At all, gentlemen!

TAILBY
Well said, i'faith.

[Fulk throws the dice.]

PURSENET
They're all [thine].

TAILBY
By my troth, I am glad the fellow has such luck, 'twill encourage him well.

FULK
At my master's worship alone!

GOLDSTONE
Now, sir slave?

FULK
At my master's worship alone!

GOLDSTONE
So, saucy rascal!

FULK
At my master's worship alone!

GOLDSTONE
You're a rogue, and will be ever one.

FULK
By my troth, gentlemen, at all again for once.

[Fulk throws the dice.]

TAILBY
Take 'em to thee, boy, take 'em to thee; thou'rt worthy of 'em, i'faith.

GOLDSTONE
Gentlemen, faith, I am angry with you: go and suborn my knave again me here, to make him proud and peremptory!

TAILBY
Troth, that's but your conceit, sir; the fellow's an honest fellow, and knows his duty, I dare swear for him.

PURSENET
Heart, I am sick already!

GOLDSTONE
Whither goes Master [Pursenet]?

PURSENET
Play on; I'll take my turn, sir. Boy!

BOY
Master?

PURSENET
Pist! [Taking him aside] A supply; carry't closely, my little fooker. How much?

BOY
Three pound, sir.

PURSENET
Good boy! Take out another lesson.--How now, gentlemen?

TAILBY
Devil's in't, did you e'er see such a hand?

PURSENET
I set you these three angels.

BOY
[Aside] My master may set high, for all his stakes are drawn out of other men's pockets.

[Exit.]

FULK
As I said, gentlemen.

PURSENET
Deuce ace!

FULK
At all your right worshipful worships!

ALL
Death and vengeance!

GOLDSTONE
Hell, darkness!

TAILBY
Hold, sir.

PURSENET
Master Goldstone--

GOLDSTONE
Hinder me not, sweet gentlemen. [To Fulk] You rascal, I banish thee the board.

TAILBY
I'faith, but you shall not, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Touch a die, and thou darest! Come you in with your lousy ten pound, you slave, among gentlemen of worship, and win thirty at a hand?

TAILBY
Why, will you kick again luck, sir?

BUNGLER
As long as the poor fellow ventures the loss of his own money, who can be offended at his fortunes?

FULK
I have a master here! Many a gentleman would be glad to see his man come forward, aha.

PURSENET
Pray, be persuaded, sir.

GOLDSTONE
'Slife, here's none cuts my throat in play but he; I have observ'd it, an unlucky slave 'tis.

BUNGLER
Methinks his luck's good enough, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Upon condition, gentlemen, that I may ever bar him from the board hereafter, I am content to wink at him.

PURSENET
Faith, use your own pleasure hereafter; h'as won our money now. [To Fulk] Come to th' table, sir; your master's friends with you.

FULK
Pray, gentlemen--

TAILBY
The fiend's in't, I think: I left a fair chain of pearl at my lodging, too, like an ass, and ne'er remembered it; that would ha' been a good pawn now. [To Frippery] Speak, what do you lend upon these, Master Frip? [Offering his weapons, with girdle and hangers] I care not much if you take my beaver hat too, for I perceive 'tis dark enough already, and it does but trouble me here.

FRIPPERY
Very well, sir; why, now I can lend you three pound, sir.

TAILBY
Prithee, do't quickly then.

FRIPPERY
There 'tis in six angels.

TAILBY
Very compendiously.

FRIPPERY
Here, Arthur, run away with these presently; I'll enter 'em into th' shopbook tomorrow.

[Exit Arthur with pawned items.]

[Writing] "Item, one gilt hatch'd rapier and dagger, with a fair embroidered girdle and hangers, with which came also a beaver hat with a correspondent band."

TAILBY
Push! I'faith, sir, you're to blame; you have snibbed the poor fellow too much; he can scarce speak, he cleaves his words with sobbing.

FULK
Haff, haff, haff, haff at all, gentlemen.

GOLDSTONE
Ah, rogue, I'll make you know yourself!

FULK
At the fairest!

PURSENET
Out, i'faith! Two aces.

GOLDSTONE
I am glad of that; come, pay me all these, goodman cloak-bag.

PURSENET
Why, are you the fairest, sir?

GOLDSTONE
You need not doubt of that, sir.--Five angels, you scoundrel!

[TAILBY]
Fie a' these dice! Not one hand tonight! There they go, gentlemen, at all, i'faith!

PURSENET
Pay all with two treys and a quater.

TAILBY
All curses follow 'em! Pay yourselves withal. I'll pawn myself to't, but I'll see a hand tonight: not once hold in! Here, Master Frip, lend me you hand, quick, quick; so.

[Takes off his doublet.]

FRIPPERY
What do you borrow of this doublet now?

TAILBY
Ne'er saw the world three days.

FRIPPERY
Go to; in regard you're a continual customer I'll use you well, and pleasure you with five angels upon't.

TAILBY
Let me not stand too long i' th' cold for them.

BUNGLER
Had ever country gentleman such fortune? All swoopt away! I'd need repair to th' broker's.

TAILBY
If you be in that mind, sir, there sits a gentleman will furnish you upon any pawn as well as the publickst broker of 'em all.

BUNGLER
Say you so, sir? There's comfort in that, i'faith.

FRIPPERY
[Writing] "Item, upon his orange-tawny satin doublet, five angels."

BUNGLER
But, by your leave, sir, next comes the breeches.

FRIPPERY
O, I have tongue fit for anything.

BUNGLER
Saving your tale, sir; 'tis given me to understand that you are a gentleman i' th' hundred, and deal in the premises aforesaid.

FRIPPERY
Master Bungler, Master Bungler, you're mightily mistook: I am content to do a gentleman a pleasure for once, so his pawn be neat and sufficient.

BUNGLER
Why, what say you to my grandfather's seal-ring here?

FRIPPERY
Ay, marry, sir, this is somewhat like.

BUNGLER
Nay, view it well; an ancient arms, I can tell you.

FRIPPERY
What's this, sir?

BUNGLER
The great cod-piece, with nothing in't.

FRIPPERY
How!

BUNGLER
The word about it, Parturiunt montes.

FRIPPERY
What's that, I pray, sir?

BUNGLER
"You promise to mount us."

FRIPPERY
And belike he was not so good as his word?

BUNGLER
So it should seem by the story, for so our names came to be Bunglers.

FRIPPERY
A lamentable hearing, that so great a house should shrink and fall to ruin!

PURSENET
Two quaters, and yet lose it? Heart! Boy!

[Enter Boy.]

[Aside to him] I'faith, what is't?

BOY
[Aside to him] Five pound, sir.

PURSENET
[Aside] By my troth, this boy goes forward well; ye shall see him come to his preferment i' th' end!

GOLDSTONE
Why, how now? Who's that, gentlemen? A bargeman?

TAILBY
I never have any luck, gallants, till my doublet's off; I'm not half nimble enough at this, old cinque-quater drivel-beard.

[FULK]
Your worship must pay me all these, sir.

TAILBY
There, and feast the devil with 'em!

PURSENET
Hell gnaw these dice!

GOLDSTONE
What, do you give over, gallants?

FULK
[Aside to Goldstone] Is't not time?

TAILBY
I protest I have but one angel left to guide me home to my lodging.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside to Fulk] How much, thinkest?

FULK
[Aside to Goldstone] Some fourscore angels, sir.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside to Fulk] Peace, we'll join powers anon, and see how strong we are in the whole number. Mass, yon gilt goblet stands so full in mine eye, the whoreson tempts me; it comes like cheese after a great feast, to disgest the rest: he will hardly 'scape me, i'faith, I see that by him already: back for a parting blow now.--Boy!

Enter Vintner.

VINTNER
Anon, anon, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Fetch a pennyworth of soft wax to seal letters.

VINTNER
I will, sir.

Exit.

TAILBY
Nay, had not I strange casting? Thrice together two quaters and a deuce!

PURSENET
Why, was not I as often haunted with two treys and a quater?

Enter Vintner.

VINTNER
There's wax for your worship. [To offstage] Anon, anon, sir.

Exit.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside to Fulk] Screen me a little, you whoreson old cross-biter.

FULK
[Aside to Goldstone] Why, what's the business? Filch it on hob goblet?

PURSENET
And what has Master Bouser lost?

FITSGRAVE
Faith, not very deeply, sir; enough for a scholar, some half a score royals.

PURSENET
'Sfoot, I have lost as many with spurs at their heels.

Enter Vintner with two Drawers.

GOLDSTONE
Come, gallants, shall we stumble?

TAILBY
What's a' clock?

FIRST DRAWER
Here's none on't, Dick; the goblet's carried down.

GOLDSTONE
Nay, 'tis upon the point of three, boy.

[SECOND DRAWER
What's to be done, sirs?]

VINTNER
All's paid, and your worships are welcome; only there's a goblet missing, gentlemen, and cannot be found about house.

GOLDSTONE
How, a goblet?

PURSENET
What manner a' one?

VINTNER
A gilt goblet, sir, of an indifferent size.

GOLDSTONE
'Sfoot, I saw such a one lately.

VINTNER
It cannot be found now, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Came there no strangers here?

VINTNER
No, sir.

GOLDSTONE
['Tis] a marvellous matter, that a goblet should be gone, and none but we in the room; the loss is [near] all, here as we are; keep the door, vintner.

VINTNER
No, I beseech your worship.

GOLDSTONE
By my troth, vintner, we'll have a privy search for this. What, we are not all one woman's children.

VINTNER
I beseech ye, gentlemen, have not that conceit of me, that I suspect your worships.

GOLDSTONE
Tut, you are an ass; do you know every man's nature? There's a broker i' th' company.

PURSENET
[Aside to Boy] 'Slife, you have not stole the goblet, boy, have you?

BOY
[Aside to Pursenet] Not I, sir.

PURSENET
[Aside to Boy] I was afraid.--'Tis a good cause, i'faith, let each man search his fellow: we'll begin with you.

TAILBY
I shall save somebody a labour, gentlemen, for I'm half searched already.

PURSENET
I thought the goblet had hung here, i'faith; none here, nor here.

GOLDSTONE
Seek about floor. What was the goblet worth, vintner?

VINTNER
Three pound ten shillings, sir; no more.

GOLDSTONE
Pox on't, gentlemen, 'tis but angels apiece: it shall be a brace of mine, rather than I would have our reputations breathed upon by all comers; for you must think they'll talk on't in all companies--such a night, in such a company, such a goblet: 'sfoot, it may grow to a gangrene in our credits, and be incurable.

TAILBY
Faith, I am content.

FRIPPERY
So am I.

PURSENET
There's my angel too.

GOLDSTONE
So, and mine. [To Vintner] I'll tell thee what, the missing of this goblet has dismayed the gentlemen much.

VINTNER
I am sorry for that, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Yet they send thee this comfort by me; if they see thee but rest satisfied, and depart away contented, which will appear in thy countenance, not three times thrice the worth of the goblet shall hang between them and thee, both in their continual custom and all their acquaintances.

VINTNER
I thank their worships all; I am satisfied.

GOLDSTONE
Say it again.--Do you hear, gentlemen?

VINTNER
I thank your worships all; I am satisfied.

Exeunt Vintner and Drawers.

GOLDSTONE
Why, la, was not this better than hazarding our reputations upon trifles, and in such public as a tavern, such a questionable place?

TAILBY
True.

PURSENET
Faith, it was well thought on.

[GOLDSTONE]
Nay, keep your way, gentlemen: I have sworn, Master Bouser, I will be last, i'faith.

[Exeunt all except Goldstone and Fulk.]

Rascal, the goblet!

FULK
Where, sir?

GOLDSTONE
Peep yon, sir, under.

FULK
Here, sir.

He draws out the goblet. Exeunt.

[III.i. A room in Tailby's lodging]

Enter Tailby reading a letter.

TAILBY
[Reading] "My husband is rode from home: make no delay; I know, if your will be as free as your horse, you will see me yet ere dinner. From Kingston, this eleventh of November." Hah! These women are such creatures, such importunate, sweet souls, they'll scarce give a man leave to be ready; that's their only fault, i'faith: if they be once set upon a thing, why, there's no removing of 'em, till their pretty wills be fulfilled. O, pity thy poor oppressed client here, sweet Cupid, that has scarce six hours' vacation in a month, his causes hang in so many courts, yet never suffer my French adversary, nor his big swoll'n confederates, to overthrow me,
Who without mercy would my blood carouse,
And lay me in prison in a doctor's house.
Thy clemency, great Cupid! Peace, who comes here?

Enter Pursenet.

PURSENET
Sir gallant, well encountered.

TAILBY
I both salute and take my leave together.

PURSENET
Why, whither so fast, sir?

TAILBY
Excuse me, pray;
I'm in a little haste; my horse waits for me.

PURSENET
What, some journey toward?

TAILBY
A light one, i'faith, sir.

PURSENET
I'm sorry that my business so commands me,
I cannot ride with you; but I make no question
You have company enough.

TAILBY
Alas, not any!
[Aside] Nor do I desire it.--Why, 'tis but a Kingston yonder.

PURSENET
O, cry you mercy, sir.

TAILBY
'Scape but one reach,
There's a little danger thither.

PURSENET
True, a little of Combe Park.

TAILBY
You've nam'd the place, sir; that's all I fear, i'faith.

PURSENET
Farewell, sweet Master Tailby.

Exit Tailby.

This fell out happily;
I'll call this purchase mine before I greet him;
E'en where his fear lies most, there will I meet him.

Exit.

[III.ii. Combe Park]

Enter Pursenet with a scarf over his face, and Boy.

PURSENET
Boy.

BOY
Sir?

PURSENET
Walk my horse behind yon thicket; give a word if you descry.

BOY
I have all perfect, sir.

Exit.

PURSENET
So; he cannot now be long. What with my boy's dexterity at ordinaries, and my gelding's celerity over hedge and ditch, but we make pretty shift to rub out a gallant; for I have learnt these principles:
Stoop thou to th' world, 'twill on thy bosom tread;
It stoops to thee, if thou advance thy head.
The mind being far more excellent than fate,
'Tis fit our mind then be above our state.
Why should I write my extremities in my brow,
To make them loathe me that respect me now?
If every man were in his courses known,
Legs that now honour him might spurn him down.
To conclude, nothing seems as it is but honesty, and that makes it so little regarded amongst us.

BOY
[Within] Ela, ha, ho!

PURSENET
The boy? He's hard at hand;
I'll cross him suddenly: and here he comes.

Enter Tailby.

Stand!

TAILBY
Ha!

PURSENET
Deliver your purse, sir.

TAILBY
I feared none but this place, i'faith; nay, when my mind gives me a thing once--

PURSENET
Quick, quick, sir, quick; I must despatch three robberies yet ere night.

TAILBY
I'm glad you have such good doings, by my troth, sir.

PURSENET
You'll fare ne'er a whit the better for your flattery, I warrant you, sir.

TAILBY
I speak sincerely; 'tis pity such a proper-parted gentleman should want; nor shall you, as long as I have't about me.

[Pursenet rifles his pockets.]

Nay, search and spare not: there's a purse in my left pocket, as I take it, with fifteen pound in gold in't, and there's a fair chain of pearl in the other: nay, I'll deal truly you; it grieves me, i'faith, when I see such goodly men in distress; I'll rather want it myself than they should go without it.

PURSENET
And that shows a good nature, sir.

TAILBY
Nay, though I say it, I have been always counted a man of a good nature;
I might have hanged myself ere this time else.
Pray, use me like a gentleman; take all,
But injury not my body.

PURSENET
You must pardon me, sir;
I must a little play the usurer,
And bind you, for mine own security.

TAILBY
Alas! There's no conscience in that, sir! Shall
I enter into bond and pay money too?

PURSENET
Tut, I must not be betrayed.

TAILBY
Hear me but what
I say, sir; I do protest I would not be he
That should betray a man, to be prince of the world.

PURSENET
Mass, that's the devil--l thank you heartily--
For he's call'd prince a' th' world.

TAILBY
You take me still at worst.

PURSENET
Swear on this sword then,
To set spurs to your horse, not to look back,
To give no marks to any passenger.

TAILBY
Marks? Why, I think you have left me ne'er a penny, sir.

PURSENET
I mean, no marks of me.

TAILBY
I understand you, sir.

PURSENET
Swear then.

TAILBY
I'faith, I do, sir.

PURSENET
Away!

TAILBY
I'm gone, sir. [Aside] By my troth, of a fierce thief he seems to be a very honest gentleman.

Exit.

PURSENET
Why, this was well adventur'd, trim a gallant!
Now, with a courteous and long-thirsting eye,
Let me behold my purchase,
And try the soundness of my bones with laughter.
How? Is not this the chain of pearl I gave
To that perjured harlot? 'Tis, 'sfoot, 'tis,
The very chain! O damned mistress! Ha!
And this the purse which, not five days before,
I sent her filled with fair spur-royals? Heart,
The very gold! 'Slife, is this no robbery?
How many oaths flew toward heaven,
Which ne'er came half-way thither, but, like firedrakes,
Mounted a little, gave a crack, and fell:
Feign'd oaths bound up to sink more deep to hell.
What folded paper's this? Death, 'tis her hand!
[Reading] "Master Tailby, you know with what affection I love you." You do? "I count the world but as my prey to maintain you." The more dissembling quean you, I must tell you. "I have sent you an embroidered purse here with fifty fair spur-royals in't." A pox on you for your labour, wench! "And I desire you of all loves to keep that chain of pearl from Master Pursenet's sight." He cannot, strumpet; I behold it now, unto thy secret torture. "So fare thee well, but be constant and want nothing"--as long as I ha't, i'faith, methinks it should have gone so. Well, what a horrible age do we live in, that a man cannot have a quean to himself! Let him but turn his back, the best of her is chipp'd away like a court loaf, that when a man comes himself, has nothing but bumbast; and these are two simple chippings here. Does my boy pick and I steal to enrich myself, to keep her, to maintain him? Why, this is right the sequence of the world. A lord maintains her, she maintains a knight, he maintains a whore, she maintains a captain. So in like manner the pocket keeps my boy, he keeps me, I keep her, she keeps him; it runs like quicksilver from one to another. 'Sfoot, I perceive I have been the chief upholder of this gallant all this while: it appears true, we that pay dearest for our pasture are ever likely worse used. 'Sfoot, he has a nag can run for nothing, has his choice, nay, and gets by the running of [her]. O fine world, strange devils, and pretty damnable affections!

BOY
[Within] Lela, ha, ho!

PURSENET
There, boy, again: what news there?

Enter Boy.

BOY
Master, pist, master!

PURSENET
How now, boy?

BOY
I have descried a prize.

PURSENET
Another, lad?

BOY
The gull, the scholar.

PURSENET
Master Bouser?

BOY
Ay;
Comes along this way.

PURSENET
Without company?

BOY
As sure as he is your own.

PURSENET
Back to thy place, boy.

Exit Boy.

I have the luck today to rob in safety;
Two precious cowards! Whist; I hear him.

Enter Fitsgrave.

Stand!

FITSGRAVE
You lie; I came forth to go.

PURSENET
Deliver your purse.

FITSGRAVE
'Tis better in my pocket.

PURSENET
How now? At disputations, signior fool?

FITSGRAVE
I've so much logic to confute a knave,
A thief, a rogue!

[Attacks and strikes Pursenet down.]

PURSENET
Hold, hold, sir, and you be
A gentleman, hold! Let me rise.

FITSGRAVE
[Aside] Heart!
'Tis the courtesy of his scarf unmask'd him to me
Above the lip by chance: I'll counterfeit.--
Light,
Because I am a scholar, you think belike
That scholars have no metal in 'em, but you
Shall find I have not done with you, cousin.

[Beats Pursenet.]

PURSENET
As you're a gentleman!

FITSGRAVE
As you're a rogue!

PURSENET
Keep on upon your way, sir.

FITSGRAVE
You bade me stand--

PURSENET
I have been once down for that.

FITSGRAVE
And then deliver.

PURSENET
Deliver me from you, sir!
O, pax on't, has wounded me!
Ela, ha, ho: my horse, my horse, boy!

Exit.

FITSGRAVE
Have you your boy so ready? O thou world,
How art thou muffled in deceitful forms!
There's such a mist of these, and still hath been,
The brightness of true gentry is scarce seen.
This journey was most happily assign'd;
I've found him dross both in his means and mind.
What paper's this he dropp'd? I'll look on't as I go.

Exit.

[III.iii. Near Combe Park]

Enter Pursenet and Boy.

PURSENET
A gull call you him? Let me always set upon wise men; they'll be afraid of their lives; they have a feeling of their iniquities, and [know] what 'tis to die with fighting: 'sfoot, this gull lays on without fear or wit. How deep's it, sayst thou, boy?

BOY
By my faith, three inches, sir.

PURSENET
La, this was long of you, you rogue!

BOY
Of me, sir?

PURSENET
Forgive me, dear boy; my wound ached, and I grew angry: there's hope of life, boy, is there not?

BOY
Pooh, my life for yours!

[Exit Boy.]

PURSENET
A comfortable boy in man's extremes! I was ne'er so afraid in my life but the fool would have seen my face: he had me at such advantage, he might have commanded my scarf. I 'scaped well there; 't 'ad choked me; my reputation had been past recovery: yet live I unsuspected, and still fit for gallant's choice societies. But here I vow, if e'er I see this Bouser when he cannot see me, either in by-lane, privilege[d] place, court, alley or come behind him when he's standing,
Or take him when he reels from a tavern late,
Pissing again a conduit, wall, or gate;
When he's in such a plight, and clear from me[n],
I'll do that I'm ashamed to speak till then.

Exit.

[III.iv. A street]

Enter two Gentlemen[, Fitsgrave and the First Gentleman].

FITSGRAVE
Nay, read forward. I have found three of your gallants, like your bewitching shame, merely sophistical: there's your bawd-gallant, your pocket-gallant, and your whore-gallant.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
[Reading] "Master Tailby--"

FITSGRAVE
That's he.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
[Reading] "I count the world but as my prey to maintain you."

FITSGRAVE
That's just the phrase and style of 'em all to him; they meet altogether in one effect, and it may well hold, too, for they all jump upon one cause, subaudi lechery.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
What shapes can flattery take! Let me entreat you,
Both in the virgin's right and our good hopes,
Since your hours are so fortunate, to proceed.

FITSGRAVE
Why, he's base that fares until he crown his deed.

Exit [with First Gentleman].

[III.v. A room in Primero's house]

Enter Pursenet (his arm in a scarf) and Boy, meeting First Courtesan.

PURSENET
[Aside] See that dissembling devil, that perjur'd strumpet!

FIRST COURTESAN
Welcome, my soul's best wish. O, out, alas!
Thy arm bound in a scarf? I shall swoon instantly.

PURSENET
Heart, and I'll fetch you again in the same tune.
O my unmatch'd love, if any spark of life remain,
Look up, my comfort, my delight, my--

FIRST COURTESAN
O good, O good!

PURSENET
The organ of her voice is tun'd again;
There's hope in women when their speech returns;
See, like the moon after a black eclipse,
She by degrees recovers her pure light.
How cheers my love?

FIRST COURTESAN
As one new-wak'd out of a deadly trance,
The fit scarce quiet.

PURSENET
'Twas terrible for the time;
I'd much ado to fetch you.

FIRST COURTESAN
[Aside] 'Shrew your fingers!--
How came my comfort wounded? Speak.

PURSENET
Faith, in a fray last night.

FIRST COURTESAN
In a fray? Will you lose your blood so vainly?
Many a poor creature lacks it. Tell me, how?
What was the quarrel?

PURSENET
Loath to tell you that.

FIRST COURTESAN
Loath to tell me?

PURSENET
Yet 'twas my cause of coming.

FIRST COURTESAN
Why, then, must not I know it?

PURSENET
Since you urge it,
You shall: you're a strumpet!

FIRST COURTESAN
O, news abroad, sir!

PURSENET
Say you so?

FIRST COURTESAN
Why, you knew that the first night you lay with me.

PURSENET
Nay, not to me only, but to the world.

FIRST COURTESAN
Speak within compass, man.

PURSENET
Faith, you know none,
You sail without.

FIRST COURTESAN
I have the better skill then.

PURSENET
At my first step into a tavern-room, to spy
That chain of pearl wound on a stranger's arm
You begg'd of me!

FIRST COURTESAN
How? You mistook it sure.

PURSENET
By heaven, the very self-same chain!

FIRST COURTESAN
O, cry you mercy, 'tis true, I'd forgot it: 'tis Saint George's day tomorrow: I lent it to my cousin only to grace his arm before his mistress.

PURSENET
Notable cunning!

FIRST COURTESAN
And is this all now, i'faith?

PURSENET
Not; I durst go further.

FIRST COURTESAN
Why, let me never possess your love if you see not that again a' Thursday morning: I take't unkindly, i'faith, you should fall out with me for such a trifle.

PURSENET
Better and better!

FIRST COURTESAN
Come, a kiss, and friends!

PURSENET
Away!

FIRST COURTESAN
By this hand, I'll spoil your arm and you will not.

PURSENET
More for this than the devil--

Enter Goldstone, Tailby, Fitsgrave, Bungler, and Courtesans.

GOLDSTONE
Yea, at your book so hard?

PURSENET
Against my will. [Aside] Are you there, Signior Logic? A pox of you, sir!

GOLDSTONE
Why, how now? What has fate sent us here, in the name of Venus, goddess of Cyprus?

PURSENET
A freebooter's pink, sir, three or four inches deep.

GOLDSTONE
No more? That's conscionable, i'faith.

TAILBY
Troth, I'm sorry for't: pray, how came it, sir?

PURSENET
Faith, by a paltry fray, in Coleman Street.

FITSGRAVE
[Aside] Combe Park, he would say.

PURSENET
No less than three at once, sir,
Made a triangle with their swords and daggers,
And all opposing me.

FITSGRAVE
And amongst those three only one hurt you, sir?

PURSENET
Ex for ex.

TAILBY
Troth, and I'll tell you what luck I had too, since I parted from you last.

PURSENET
What, I pray?

TAILBY
The day you offered to ride with me, I wish now I'd had your company: 'sfoot, I was set upon in Combe Park by three too.

PURSENET
Bah!

TAILBY
Robbed, by this light, of as much gold and jewels as I value at forty pound.

PURSENET
Sure Saturn is in the fifth house.

TAILBY
I know not that; he may be in the sixth and he will for me: I am sure they were in my pocket wheresoever they [are]; but I'll ne'er refuse a gentleman's company again when 'tis offered me, I warrant you.

GOLDSTONE
I must remember you 'tis Mitre-night, ladies.

SECOND COURTESAN
Mass, 'tis indeed Friday today, I'd quite forgot: when a woman's busy, how the time runs away!

FIRST COURTESAN
[Taking Tailby aside] O, you've betrayed us both!

TAILBY
I understand you not.

FIRST COURTESAN
You've let him see the chain of pearl I gave you.

TAILBY
Who? Him? Will you believe me, by this hand,
He never saw it.

FIRST COURTESAN
Upon a stranger's arm he swore to me.

TAILBY
Mass, that may be; for the truth is, i'faith,
I was robb'd on't at Combe Park.

FIRST COURTESAN
'Twas that betrayed it.

TAILBY
I would [I] had stay'd him;
He was no stranger, he was a thief, i'faith,
For thieves will be no strangers.

FIRST COURTESAN
How shall I excuse it?

[Bungler seizes the Boy, who had attempted to pick his pocket.]

BUNGLER
Nay, I have you fast enough, boy; you rogue!

BOY
Good sir, I beseech you, sir, let me go!

BUNGLER
A pickpocket! Nay, you shall to Newgate, look you. [To Pursenet] Is this your boy, sir?

PURSENET
How now, boy? A monster? Thy arm lined fast in another's pocket? Where learnt you that manners? What company have you kept a' late, that you are so transformed into a rogue? That shape I know not. Believe me, sir, I much wonder at the alteration of this boy, where he should get this nature: as good a child to see to, and as virtuous; he has his creed by heart, reads me his chapter duly every night; he will not miss you one tittle in the nine commandments.

BUNGLER
There's ten of 'em.

PURSENET
I fear he skips o'er one, "Thou shalt not steal."

BUNGLER
Mass, like enough.

PURSENET
Else grace and memory would quite abash the boy.
[To Boy] Thou graceless imp! Ah, thou prodigious child,
Begot at some eclipse, degenerate rogue,
Shame to thy friends, and to thy master eke!
How far digressing from the noble mind
Of thy brave ancestors, that lie in marble
With their coat-armours o'er 'em!

BUNGLER
Had he such friends?

PURSENET
The boy is well descended, though he be a rogue, and has no feeling on't; yet for my sake, and for my reputation's, seek not the blood of the boy; he's near allied to many men of worship now yet living; a fine old man to his father; it would kill his heart, i'faith; he'd away like a chrisom.

BUNGLER
Alas, good gentleman!

PURSENET
Ah, shameless villain,
Complain'st thou? Dost thou want?

BOY
No, no, no, no!

PURSENET
Art not well clad? Thy hunger well resisted?

BOY
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

PURSENET
But thou shall straight to Bridewell.

BOY
Sweet master!

PURSENET
Live upon bread and water and chap-choke.

BOY
I beseech your worship!

BUNGLER
[Taking Pursenet aside] Come, I'll be his surety for once.

PURSENET
You shall excuse me indeed, sir.

BUNGLER
He will mend: 'a may prove an honest man for all this. I know gallant gentlemen now that have done as much as this comes to in their youth.

PURSENET
Say you so, sir?

BUNGLER
And as for Bridewell, that will but make him worse; 'a will learn more knavery there in one week than will furnish him and his heirs for a hundred year.

PURSENET
Deliver the boy!

BUNGLER
Nay, I tell you true, sir; there's none goes in there a quean, but she comes out an arrant whore, I warrant you.

PURSENET
The boy comes not there for a million!

BUNGLER
No, you had better forgive him by ten parts.

PURSENET
True; but 'a must not know it comes from me.
[To Boy] Down a' your knees, you rogue,
And thank this gentleman has got your pardon.

BOY
O, I thank your worship!

PURSENET
[Aside to Boy] A pox on you for a rogue;
You put me to my set speech once a quarter.

GOLDSTONE
Nay, gentlemen, you quite forget your hour; lead, Master Bouser.

[Exeunt all but Goldstone and Second Courtesan.]

SECOND COURTESAN
Let me go: you're a dissembler.

GOLDSTONE
How?

SECOND COURTESAN
Did not you promise me a new gown?

GOLDSTONE
Did I not? Yes, faith, did I, and thou shalt have it. [To one offstage] Go, sirrah, run for a tailor presently.

Enter Tailor.

Let me see for the colour now: orange-tawny, peach colour. What sayst to a watchet satin?

SECOND COURTESAN
O, 'tis the only colour I affect!

TAILOR
A very orient colour, an't please your worships. l made a gown on't for a gentlewoman t'other day, and it does passing well upon her.

GOLDSTONE
A watchet satin gown--

TAILOR
There your worship left, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Laid about, tailor.

TAILOR
Very good, sir.

GOLDSTONE
With four fair laces.

TAILOR
That will be costly, sir.

GOLDSTONE
How, you rogue, costly? Out a' th' house, you slipshod, sham-legged, brown-thread-penny-skeined rascal!

SECOND COURTESAN
Nay, my sweet love--

Exit Tailor.

GOLDSTONE
Hang him, rogue! He's but a botcher neither: come, I'll send thee a fellow worth a hundred of this, if the slave were clean enough.

Exeunt.

IV.[i. Before Tailby's lodging]

Enter a Servant bringing in a suit of satin, who knocks at Tailby's door, from which enter Jack.

JACK
Who knocks?

SERVANT
A Christian: pray, is not this Master Tailby's lodging? I was directed hither.

JACK
Yes, this is my master's lodging.

SERVANT
Cry you mercy, sir: is he yet stirring?

JACK
He's awake, but not yet stirring, for he played away half his clothes last night.

SERVANT
My mistress commends her secrets unto him, and presents him by me with a new satin suit here.

JACK
Mass, that comes happily.

SERVANT
And she hopes the fashion will content him.

JACK
There's no doubt to be had of that, sir: your mistress's name, pray?

[Servant shows Jack his mistress's name.]

You're much preciously welcome.

SERVANT
I thank you uncommonly, sir.

JACK
The suit shall be accepted, I warrant you, sir.

SERVANT
That's all my mistress desires, sir.

JACK
Fare you well, sir.

SERVANT
Fare you well, sir.

Exit.

JACK
This will make my master leap out of the bed for joy, and dance Wigmore's galliard in his shirt about the chamber!

Exit into the house.

[IV.ii. A hall in Tailby's lodging]

The music plays on awhile, then enter Tailby, his man [Jack] after, trussing him.

TAILBY
Came this suit from Mistress Cleveland?

JACK
She sent it secretly, sir.

TAILBY
A pretty requiteful squall! I like that woman that can remember a good turn three months after the date; it shows both a good memory and a very feeling spirit.

JACK
This came fortunately, sir, after all your ill luck last night.

TAILBY
I'd beastly casting, Jack.

JACK
O abominable, sir! You had the scurviest hand; the old serving-man swooped up all.

TAILBY
I am glad the fortune lighted upon the poor fellow, by my troth; it made his master mad.

JACK
Did you mark that, sir? I warrant he has the doggedest master of any poor fellow under the dog-sign: I'd rather serve your worship, I'll say that behind your back, sir, for nothing, as indeed I have no standing wages at all, your worship knows.

TAILBY
O, but your vails, Jack, your vails considered, when you run to and fro between me and mistresses--

JACK
I must confess my vails are able to keep an honest man, go I where I list.

TAILBY
Go to then, Jack.

JACK
But those vails stand with the state of your body, sir, as long as you hold up your head: if that droop once, farewell you, farewell I, farewell all; and droop it will, though all the caudles in Europe should put to their helping hands to't: 'tis e'en as uncertain as playing, now up and now [down]; for if the bill down rise to above thirty, here's no place for players; so if your years rise to above forty, there's no room for old lechers.

TAILBY
And [that's] the reason all rooms are taken up for young templars.

JACK
You're in the right, sir.

TAILBY
Pize on't, I pawned a good beaver hat to Master Frip last night, Jack: I feel the want of it now.

Knocking within.

Hark, who's that knocks?

Enter a Servant, bringing in a letter and a beaver hat.

SERVANT
Is Master Tailby stirring?

JACK
What's your pleasure with him? He walks here i' th' hall.

SERVANT
Give your worship good morrow.

TAILBY
Welcome, honest lad.

SERVANT
A letter from my mistress.

TAILBY
Who's thy mistress?

SERVANT
Mistress Newblock.

TAILBY
Mistress Newblock, my sincere love; how does she?

SERVANT
Faith, only ill in the want of your sight.

TAILBY
Alas, dear sweet! I've had such business, I protest I ne'er stood still since I saw her.

SERVANT
She has sent your worship a beaver hat here, with a band best in fashion.

TAILBY
How shall I requite this dear soul?

SERVANT
'Tis not a thing fit for me to tell you, sir, for I have three years to serve yet: your worship knows how, I warrant you.

TAILBY
I know the drift of her letter; and for the beaver, say I accept it highly.

SERVANT
O, she will be a proud woman of that, sir!

TAILBY
And hark thee; tell thy mistress, as I'm a gentleman, I'll despatch her out of hand the first thing I do, a' my credit: canst thou remember these words now?

SERVANT
Yes, sir; as you are a gentleman, you'll despatch her out of hand the first thing you do.

TAILBY
Ay, a' my credit.

SERVANT
O, of your credit; I thought not of that, sir.

TAILBY
Remember that, good boy.

SERVANT
Fear it not now, sir.

Exit.

TAILBY
I dreamt tonight, Jack, I should have a secret supply out a' th' city.

JACK
Your dream crawls out partly well, sir.

Enter a Servant, bringing in a purse.

What news there now?

SERVANT
I have an errand to Master Tailby.

JACK
Yonder walks my master.

SERVANT
Mistress Tiffany commends her to your worship, and has sent you your ten pound in gold back again, and says she cannot furnish you of the same lawn you desire till after Allhollandtide.

TAILBY
Thank her she would let me understand so much.

[Exit Servant.]

Ha, ha!
This wench will live: why, this was sent like a
Workwoman now; the rest are botchers to her.
Faith, I commend her cunning: she's a fool
That makes her servant fellow to her heart;
It robs her of respect, dams up all duty,
Keeps her in awe e'en of the slave she keeps:
This takes a wise course--I commend her more--
Sends back the gold I never saw before.
Well, women are my best friends [still], i'faith.
[Take] lands: give me
Good legs, firm back, white hand, black eye, brown hair,
And add but to these five a comely stature;
Let others live by art, and I by nature.

Exeunt.

[IV.iii. A room with a door opening into Fitsgrave's chamber]

Enter Goldstone.

GOLDSTONE
Master Bouser, Master Bouser! Ha, ha, ho! Master Bouser!

FITSGRAVE
[Within] Holla!

GOLDSTONE
What, not out of thy kennel, Master Bouser?

FITSGRAVE
[Within] Master Goldstone? You're an early gallant, sir.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] A fair cloak yonder, i'faith.--By my troth, a-bed, Master Bouser? You remember your promise well o'ernight!

FITSGRAVE
[Within] Why, what's a' clock, sir?

GOLDSTONE
Do you ask that now? Why, the chimes are spent at Saint Bride's.

FITSGRAVE
[Within] 'Tis a gentleman's hour: faith, Master Goldstone, I'll be ready in a trice.

GOLDSTONE
Away, there's no trust to you.

FITSGRAVE
[Within] Faith, I'll come instantly.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] Nay, choose whether you will or no, by my troth, your cloak shall go before you.

[Takes Fitsgrave's cloak.]

FITSGRAVE
[Within] Nay, Master Goldstone, I ha' sworn: do you hear, sir?

GOLDSTONE
Away, away! Faith, I'm angry with you: pox, a-bed now! I'm ashamed of it.

Exit. [As Goldstone goes out, Fitsgrave enters in his shirt.]

FITSGRAVE
Foot, my cloak, my cloak, Master Goldstone! 'Slife, what mean you by this, sir? You'll bring it back again, I hope. No? Not yet? By my troth, I care very little for such kind of jesting: methinks this familiarity now extends a little too far, unless it be a new fashion come forth this morning secretly; yesterday 'twould have shown unmannerly and saucily. I scarce know yet what to think on't. Well, there's no great profit in standing in my shirt, I'll on with my clothes: h'as bound me to follow the suit: my cloak's a stranger; he was made but yesterday, and I do not love to trust him alone in company.

Exit.

[IV.iv. A street]

Enter Frippery, wearing Fitsgrave's cloak.

FRIPPERY
What may I conjecture of this Goldstone? He has not only pawned to me this cloak, but the very diamond and sapphire which I bestowed upon my new love at Master Primero's house: the cloak's new, and comes fitly to do me great grace at a wedding this morning, to which I was solemnly invited. I can continue change more than the proudest gallant of 'em all, yet never bestow penny of myself, my pawns do so kindly furnish me: but the sight of these jewels is able to cloy me, did I not preserve my stomach the better for the wedding-dinner. A gift could never have come in a more patient hour, nor to be better disgested. Is she proved false? But I'll not fret today nor chafe my blood.

Enter Pursenet.

PURSENET
Ha! Yonder goes Bouser: the place is fit. [Calling out to Boy within] Boy, stand with my horse at corner. [Attacking Frippery] I owe you for a pink three inches deep, sir.

FRIPPERY
O-O-O!

PURSENET
Take that in part of payment for Combe Park.

Exit.

FRIPPERY
O-O-O!

Enter Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
How now, who's this? 'Sfoot, one of our gallants knocked down like a calf! Is there such a plague of 'em here at London, they begin to knock 'em a' th' head already?

FRIPPERY
O Master Bouser! Pray, lend me your hand, sir; I am slain!

FITSGRAVE
Slain and alive? O cruel execution!
What man so savage-spirited durst presume
To strike down satin on two taffetas cut,
Or lift his hand against a beaver hat?

FRIPPERY
Some rogue that owes me money, and had no other means. To a wedding-dinner! I must be dressed myself, methinks.

FITSGRAVE
How? Why, this [is] my cloak: life, how came my cloak hither?

FRIPPERY
Is it yours, sir? Master Goldstone pawned it to me this morning fresh and fasting, and borrowed five pound upon't.

FITSGRAVE
How, pawned it? Pray, let me hear out this story: come, and I'll [lead] you to the next barber-surgeon's. Pawned my cloak?

Exit leading out Frippery.

[IV.v. Another street]

Enter Bungler, Goldstone, and Marmaduke.

BUNGLER
How now, Marmaduke? What's the wager?

MARMADUKE
Nay, my care is at end, sir, now I am come to the sight of you. My mistress, your cousin, entreats you to take part of a dinner with her at home at her house, and bring what gentleman you please to accompany you.

BUNGLER
Thank my sweet coz: I'll munch with her, say.

MARMADUKE
I'll tell her so.

BUNGLER
Marmaduke--

MARMADUKE
Sir?

BUNGLER
Will there be any stockfish, thinkest thou?

MARMADUKE
How, sir?

BUNGLER
Tell my coz I've a great appetite to stockfish, i'faith.

[Exit Marmaduke.]

Master Goldstone, I'll entreat you to be the gentleman that shall accompany me.

GOLDSTONE
Not me, sir?

BUNGLER
You, sir.

[GOLDSTONE]
By my troth, concluded. What state bears thy coz, sirrah?

BUNGLER
O, a fine merchant's wife.

GOLDSTONE
Or rather, a merchant's fine wife.

BUNGLER
Trust me, and that's the properer phrase here at London; and 'tis as absurd too to call him fine merchant, for, being at sea, a man knows not what pickle he is in.

GOLDSTONE
Why, true.

BUNGLER
Yet my coz will be served in plate, I can tell you; she has her silver jugs and her gilt tankards.

GOLDSTONE
Fie!

BUNGLER
Nay, you shall see a house dressed up, i'faith; you must not think to tread a' th' ground when you come there.

GOLDSTONE
No? How then?

BUNGLER
Why, upon paths made of fig-frails and white blankets cut out in steaks.

GOLDSTONE
Away! [Aside] I have thought of a device.--Where shall we meet an hour hence?

BUNGLER
In Paul's.

GOLDSTONE
Agreed.

Exit Bungler. Enter Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
The broker-gallant and the cheating-gallant:
Now I have found 'em all, I so rejoice,
That the redeeming of my cloak I weigh not.
I have spied him.

GOLDSTONE
Pax, here's Bouser.

FITSGRAVE
Master Goldstone, my cloak! Come, where's my cloak, sir?

GOLDSTONE
O, you're a sure gentleman, especially if a man stand in need of you! He may be slain in a morning to breakfast ere you vouchsafe to peep out of your lodging.

FITSGRAVE
How?

GOLDSTONE
No less than four gallants, as I'm a gentleman, drew all upon me at once, and opposed me so spitefully, that I not only lost your cloak i' th' fray--

FITSGRAVE
Comes it in there?

GOLDSTONE
But my rich hangers, sirrah; l think thou hast seen 'em.

FITSGRAVE
Never, i'faith, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Those with the two unicorns, all wrought in pearl and gold: pox on't, it frets me ten times more than the loss of the paltry cloak: prithee, and thou lovest me, speak no more on't; it brings the unicorns into my mind, and thou wouldst not think how the conceit grieves me. I will not do thee that disgrace, i'faith, to offer thee any satisfaction, for in my soul I think thou scornest it; thou bearest that mind, in my conscience; I have always said so of thee. Fare thee well: when shall I see thee at my chamber, when?

FITSGRAVE
Every day, shortly.

GOLDSTONE
I have fine toys to show thee.

FITSGRAVE
You win my heart then.

Exit Goldstone.

The devil scarce knew what a portion he gave his children when he allowed 'em large impudence to live upon, and so turned 'em into th' world: surely he gave away the third part of the riches of his kingdom; revenues are but fools to't.
The filed tongue and the undaunted forehead
Are mighty patrimonies, wealthier than those
The city-sire or the court-father leaves:
In these behold it: riches oft, like slaves,
Revolt; they bear their foreheads to their graves.
What soonest grasps advancement, men[d]s great suits,
Trips down rich widows, gains repute and name,
Makes way where'er it comes, bewitches all?
Thou, Impudence, the minion of our days,
On whose pale cheeks favour and fortune plays.
Call you these your five gallants?
Trust me, they're rare fellows:
They live on nothing; many cannot live on something:
Here they may take example. Suspectless virgin,
How easy had thy goodness been beguil'd!
Now only rests, that as to me they're known
So to the world their base arts may be shown.

Exit.

[IV.vi. The middle aisle of St. Paul's]

Enter Pursenet and Boy.

PURSENET
Art sure thou sawest him receive't, boy?

BOY
Forty pound in gold, as I'm a gentleman born.

PURSENET
Thy father gave the ram's head, boy?

BOY
No, you're deceiv'd; my mother gave that, sir.

PURSENET
What's thy mother's is thy father's.

Enter Pyamont.

BOY
I'm sorry it holds in the ram's head. See, here he walks; I was sure he came into Paul's: the gold had been yours, master, long ere this, but that he wears both his hands in his pockets.

PURSENET
How unfortunately is my purpose seated! What the devil should come in his mind to keep in his hands so long? The biting but of a paltry louse would do me great kindness now; [I'd know] not how to requite it: will no rascal creature assist me? Stay, what if I did impudently salute 'em out? Good. Boy, be ready, boy.

BOY
Upon the least advantage, sir.

PURSENET
[To Pyamont] You're most devoutly met in Paul's, sir.

PYAMONT
So are you, but I scarce remember you, sir.

PURSENET
O, I cry you mercy, sir; I pray, pardon me; I fear I have tendered an offence, sir: troth, I took you at the first for one Master Dumpling, a Norfolk gentleman.

[While Pursenet speaks, the Boy watches in vain for an opportunity to pick Pyamont's pocket.]

PYAMONT
There's no harm done yet, sir.

PURSENET
[Aside] I hope he is there by this time.--How now, boy, hast it?

BOY
No, by troth, have I not; this labour's lost: 'tis in the right pocket, and he kept that hand in sure enough.

PURSENET
[Aside] Unpractised gallant! Salute me but with one hand,
Like a counterfeit soldier? O times and manners!
Are we grown beasts? Do we salute by halves?
Are not our limbs at leisure? Where's comely nurture?
The Italian kiss, or the French cringe,
With the Polonian waist? Are all forgot?
Then misery follows. Surely fate forbade it:
Had he employ'd but his right hand, I'd had it.

Enter Bungler.

It must be an everlasting device, I think, that procures both his hands out at once.

[Exit with Boy.]

PYAMONT
Do you walk, sir?

BUNGLER
No, I stay a little for a gentleman's coming, too.

PYAMONT
Farewell then, sir: I have forty pound in gold about me, which I must presently send down into the country.

BUNGLER
Fare you well, sir.

Exit Pyamont.

I wonder Master Goldstone spares my company so long; 'tis now about the navel of the day, upon the belly of noon.

Enter Goldstone and Fulk, both disguised.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside to Fulk] See where he walks: be sure you let off at a twinkling, now.

FULK
[Aside to Goldstone] When did I miss you?--Your worship has forgot you promised Mistress Newcut, your cousin, to dine with her this day.

GOLDSTONE
Mass, that was well remembered.

BUNGLER
I am bold to salute you, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Sir?

BUNGLER
Is Mistress Newcut your cousin, sir?

GOLDSTONE
Yes, she's a cousin of mine, sir.

BUNGLER
Then I am a cousin of yours, by the sister's side.

GOLDSTONE
Let me salute you then; I shall be glad of your farther acquaintance.

BUNGLER
I am a bidden guest there too.

GOLDSTONE
Indeed, sir!

BUNGLER
Faith, invited this morning.

GOLDSTONE
Your good company shall be kindly embraced, sir.

BUNGLER
I walk a turn or two here for a gentleman, but I think he'll either overtake me, or be before me.

GOLDSTONE
'Tis very likely, sir. [To Fulk] There, sirrah, go to dinner and about two wait for me.

BUNGLER
Nay, let him come between two and three, cousin, for we love to sit long at dinner i' th' city.

GOLDSTONE
Come, sweet cousin.

BUNGLER
Nay, cousin; keep your way, cousin; good cousin, I will not, i'faith, cousin.

Exeunt.

[IV.vii. A room in Mistress Newcut's house]

[Marmaduke is discovered laying the tablecloth.] Enter Mistress Newcut.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Why, how now, sirrah? Upon twelve of the clock, and not the cloth laid yet? Must we needs keep Exchange time still?

MARMADUKE
I am about it, forsooth.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
You're about it, forsooth? You're still about many things, but you ne'er do one well. I am an ass to keep thee in th' house, now my husband's at sea; thou hast no audacity with thee; a foolish, dreaming lad, fitter to be in the garret than in any place else; no grace nor manly behaviour: when didst thou ever come to me but with thy head hanging down? O decheerful 'prentice, uncomfortable servant!

[Exit Marmaduke.]

Pray heaven the gull, my cousin, has so much wit left as to bring Master Tailby along with him--my comfort, my delight!--for that was the chiefest cause I did invite him. I bade him bring what gentleman he pleased to accompany him; as far as I durst go: why may he not then make choice of Master Tailby? Had he my wit or feeling he would do't.

Enter Bungler, and Goldstone disguised.

BUNGLER
Where's my sweet cousin here? Does she lack any guests?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Ever such guess as you: you're welcome, cousin.

GOLDSTONE
I am rude, lady.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
You're most welcome, sir.

BUNGLER
There will be a gallant here anon, coz; he promised faithfully.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Who is't? Master Tailby?

BUNGLER
Master Tailby? No, Master Goldstone.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Master Goldstone? I could think well of that Goldstone were't not for one vild trick he has.

GOLDSTONE
What's that, lady?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
In jest he will pawn his punks for supper.

GOLDSTONE
That's a vild part in him, i'faith, and he my were brother.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Pray, gentlemen, sit awhile; your dinner shall come presently.

Exit.

GOLDSTONE
[Aside] Yes, Mistress Newcut? At first give me a trip?
A close bite always asks a secret nip.

BUNGLER
My cousin here is a very kind-natured soul, i'faith, in her humour.

GOLDSTONE
Pooh, you know her not so well as I, coz; I have observed her in all her humours; you ne'er saw her a little waspish, I think.

BUNGLER
I have [not], i'faith.

GOLDSTONE
Pooh, then ye ne'er saw pretty humour in your life; I can bring her into't when I list.

BUNGLER
Would you could, i'faith!

GOLDSTONE
Would I could? By my troth, and I were sure thou couldst keep thy countenance, coz, what a pretty jest have I thought upon already to entertain time dinner!

BUNGLER
Prithee, coz, what is't? I love a jest a' life, i'faith.

GOLDSTONE
Ah, but I am jealous you will not keep your countenance, i'faith! Why, ye shall see a pretty story of a humour. Faith, I'll try you for once: you know my cousin will wonder when she comes in to see the cloth laid, and ne'er a salt upon the board.

BUNGLER
That's true, i'faith.

GOLDSTONE
Now will I stand a while out of sight with it, and give her humour play a little.

BUNGLER
Coz, dost thou love me? And thou wilt ever do anything for me, do't.

GOLDSTONE
Marry, I build upon you[r] countenance.

BUNGLER
Why, dost thou think I'm an ass, coz?

GOLDSTONE
I would be loath to undertake it else; for if you should burst out presently, coz, the jest would be spoiled.

BUNGLER
Why, do not I know that? Away, stand close!

Exit Goldstone with the salt-cellar.

So, so; mum, cousin. A merry companion, i'faith: here will be good sport anon. Whist, she comes.

Enter Mistress Newcut.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
I make you [stay] long for a bad dinner here, cousin; if Master Goldstone were come, the meat's e'en ready.

BUNGLER
Some great business detains him, cousin, but he'll not be long now.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Why, how now? Cuds my life!

BUNGLER
Why--

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Was ever mistress so plagued with a shuttle-headed servant! Why, Marmaduke!

Enter Marmaduke.

MARMADUKE
I come, forsooth.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Able to shame me from generation to generation!

MARMADUKE
Did you call, forsooth?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Come hither, forsooth: did you lay this cloth?

MARMADUKE
Yes, forsooth.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Do you use to lay a cloth without a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt!

MARMADUKE
How many salts would you have? I'm sure I set the best I' the house upon the board.

BUNGLER
How, cousin? [Singing] "Cousin, cousin, did call, coz?"

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Did you see a salt upon the board when you came in?

BUNGLER
Pooh!

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Come, come, I thought as much; beshrew your fingers, where is't now?

BUNGLER
Your cousin yonder--

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Why, the man's mad!

BUNGLER
Cousin, hist, cousin!

MISTRESS NEWCUT
What say you?

BUNGLER
Pooh, I call not you, I call my cousin. Come forth with the salt, cousin! Ha! How? Nobody? Why, was not he that came in e'en now your cousin?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
My cousin? O my bell-salt, O my great bell-salt!

Enter Goldstone in his own dress.

BUNGLER
The tenor bell-salt. O, here comes Master Goldstone now, cousin; he may tell us some news on him. [To Goldstone] Did you not meet a fellow about door with a great silver salt under his arm?

GOLDSTONE
No, sure; I met none such.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Pardon me, sir, I forgot all this while to bid you welcome. I shall loath this room for ever. Take hence the cloth, you unlucky, maple-faced rascal! Come, you shall dine in my chamber, sir.

GOLDSTONE
No better place, lady.

Exeunt.

[IV.viii. A street]

Enter Pyamont.

PYAMONT
No less than forty pound in fair gold at one lift! The next shall swoon and swoon again till the devil fetch him, ere I set hand to him. Heart, nothing vexes me so much, but that I paid the goldsmith for the change too not an hour before: had I let it alone in the chain of silver as it was at first, it might have given me some notice at his departure: 'sfoot, I could fight with a windmill now. Sure 'twas some unlucky villain: why should he come and salute me wrongfully too, mistake me at noonday? Now I think on't in cold blood, it could not be but an induction to some villainous purpose: well, I shall meet him--

Enter Pursenet.

PURSENET
This forty pound came fortunately to redeem my chain of pearl from mortgage: I would not care how often I swooned to have such a good caudle to comfort me; gold and pearl is very restorative.

PYAMONT
See, yonder's the rogue I suspect for foul play! I'll walk muffled by him, offer some offence or cause of a quarrel, only to try his temper; if he be a coward, he's the likelier to be a rogue, an infallible note.

Jostles Pursenet.

PURSENET
What a pox ail you, sir? Would I had been aware of you!

PYAMONT
Sir, speak you to me?

PURSENET
Not I, sir: pray, keep on your way; I have nothing to say to you.

PYAMONT
You're a rascal!

PURSENET
You may say your pleasure, sir; but I hope I go not like a rascal.

PYAMONT
Are you fain to fly to your clothes because you're gallant? Why, there's no rascal like your gallant rascal, believe that.

PURSENET
You have took me at such an hour, faith, you may call me e'en what you please; nothing will move me.

PYAMONT
No? I'll make somewhat move you. Draw! I suspected you were a rogue, and you have purs'd it up well with a coward!

PURSENET
Who, my patron?

PYAMONT
Keep out, you rascal!

PURSENET
The guest that did me the kindness in Paul's? Hold, as you are a gentleman; you'll give me breath, sir?

Exit running; as he goes out, he drops the chain of pearl.

PYAMONT
Are you there with me? A vengeance stop you! You have found breath enough to run away from me. I will never meet this slave hereafter in a morning, but I will breathe myself upon him; since I can have no other satisfaction, he shall save me that forty pound in fence-school.

Exit. Enter Goldstone.

GOLDSTONE
When things are cleanly carried, sign of judgment:
I was the welcom'st gallant to her alive
After the salt was stolen; then a good dinner,
A fine provoking meal, which drew on apace
The pleasure of a day-bed, and I had it;
This here one ring can witness: when I parted,
Who but "sweet Master Goldstone?"
I left her in that trance. What cannot wit,
So it be impudent, devise and compass?
I'd fain know that fellow now
That would suspect me but for what I am;
He lives not: 'tis all in the conveyance.
What, thou look'st not like a beggar:
What mask'st thou on the ground?
I've a hand to help thee up: a fair chain of pearl!

[Takes up the chain of pearl which Pursenet had dropped.]

Surely a merchant's wife gives lucky handsel:
They that find pearl may wear't at a cheap rate;
Marry, my lady dropp'd it from her arm
For a device to tole me to her bed:
I've seen as great a matter. Who be these?
I'll be too crafty for you.

Enter Primero and Frippery.

O Monsieur Primero, Signior Frip; is it you, gallants?

FRIPPERY
Sweet Master Goldstone!

[They talk apart.] Enter Tailby and two Constables.

TAILBY
Every bawd exceeds me in fortune: Master Primero was robbed of a carkanet upon Monday last; laid the goldsmiths, and found it. I ha' laid [goldsmith], jeweller, burnisher, broker, and the devil and all, I think, yet could never so much as hear of that chain of pearl: he was a notable thief; he works close. Peace, who be these? Ha, let me see. By this light, there it is! Back, lest they see thee: a happy minute! Goldstone? What an age do we breathe in! Who that saw him now would think he were maintained by purses? So, who that meets me would think I were maintained by wenches? As far as I can see, 'tis all one case, and holds both in one court; we are both maintained by the common roadway! Keep thou thine own heart, thou livest unsuspected. I leese you again now.

GOLDSTONE
But, I pray you, tell me, met you no gentlewomen by the way you came?

FRIPPERY
Not any: what should they be?

GOLDSTONE
Nay, I do but ask, because a gentlewoman's glove was found near to the place I met you.

PRIMERO
Faith, we saw none, sir.

TAILBY
Good officers, upon suspicion of felony.

SECOND CONSTABLE
Very good, sir.

FIRST CONSTABLE
What call you the thief's name you do suspect?

TAILBY
Master Justinian Goldstone.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Remember, Master Justinian Goldstone; a terrible world the whilst, my masters!

TAILBY
Look you, that's he: upon him, officers!

FIRST CONSTABLE
I see him not yet; which is he, sir?

TAILBY
Why, that.

FIRST CONSTABLE
He a thief, sir? Who, that gentleman i' th' satin?

TAILBY
E'en he.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Farewell, sir; you're a merry gentleman.

TAILBY
As you will answer it, officers! I'll bear you out, I'll be your warrant.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Nay, and you say so. What's his name then?

TAILBY
Justinian Goldstone.

[The Constables approach and seize Goldstone.]

FIRST CONSTABLE
Master Justinian Goldstone, we apprehend you, sir, upon suspicion of felony.

GOLDSTONE
Me?

TAILBY
You, sir.

[Goldstone struggles.]

SECOND CONSTABLE
I charge you, in the king's name, gentlemen, to assist us.

GOLDSTONE
Master Tailby!

TAILBY
The same man, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Life, what's the news?

TAILBY
Ha' you forgot Combe Park?

GOLDSTONE
Combe Park? No, 'tis in Kingston way.

TAILBY
I believe you'll find it so.

GOLDSTONE
I not deny it.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Bear witness, has confessed.

GOLDSTONE
What have I confessed? Pair of coxcombs indubitable!

TAILBY
I was robb'd finely of this chain of pearl there, and forty fair spur-royals.

GOLDSTONE
Did I rob you?

TAILBY
There where I find my goods I may suspect, sir.

FRIPPERY
I dreamt this would be his end.

GOLDSTONE
See how I am wrong'd, gentlemen: as I've a soul, I found this chain of pearl not three yards from this place, just when I met you.

TAILBY
Ha, ha!

FRIPPERY
Yet the law's such, if he but swear 'tis you, you're gone.

GOLDSTONE
Pox on't, that e'er I saw't!

FRIPPERY
Can you but swear 'tis he? Do but that, and you tickle him, i'faith.

TAILBY
Nay, and it come once to swearing, let me alone.

FRIPPERY
Say, and hold; he called my jewels counterfeit, and so cheated the poor wench of 'em.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Come, bring him away, come.

GOLDSTONE
'Twill call my state in question.

Enter Pursenet.

PURSENET
[Aside] I think what's got by theft doth never prosper;
Now lost my chain of pearl.--Come, Master Goldstone,
Let go this; 'tis mine, i'faith.

GOLDSTONE
The chain of pearl?

PURSENET
By my troth, it's mine.

GOLDSTONE
By my troth, much good do't you, sir.

FRIPPERY
I'm glad in my soul, sir.

FIRST CONSTABLE
Deliver your weapons.

PURSENET
How!

FIRST CONSTABLE
You're apprehended upon suspicion of felony.

PURSENET
Felony! What's that?

TAILBY
Was it you, i'faith, sir, all this while, that did me that kindness to ease both my pockets at Combe Park?

PURSENET
I, sir?
Pray, gentlemen, draw near; let's talk among ourselves.
[To First Constable] Stand apart, scoundrel. [To the gallants]
Must every gentleman
Be upbraided in public that flies out
Now and then upon necessity,
To be themes for pedlars and weavers? This should
Not be: 'twas never seen among the Romans,
Nor read we of it in the time of Brute:
Are we more brutish now?
Did I list to blab, do not I know your course
Of life, Master Tailby to be as base
As the basest, maintained by me, by him, by all
Of us, and 'a second-hand from mistresses?
I've their letters here to show.
Why should you be so violent to strip naked
Another's reputation to the world,
Knowing your own so leprous?
Beside, this chain of pearl and those spur-royals
Came to you falsely; for she broke her faith,
And made her soul a strumpet with her body,
When she sent those; they were ever justly mine.
[To Primero] Pray, what moves you, sir? Why should you shake your head?
You're clear; sure I should know you, sir: pray, are you not sometimes a pander, and oftener a bawd, sir? Have I never sinned in your banqueting boxes, your bowers and towers? You slave, that keeps fornication upon the tops of trees, the very birds cannot engender in quiet for you! Why, rogue, that goes in good clothes made out of wenches' cast gowns--

PRIMERO
Nothing goes so near my heart as that.

PURSENET
Do you shake your slave's noddle?

TAILBY
And here's a rascal [look'st] away too--saving the presence of Master Goldstone--a filthy-slimy-lousy-nittical broker, pricked up in pawns from the hat-band to the shoe-string; a necessary hook to hang gentlemen's suits out i' th' air, lest they should grow musty with long lying, which his pawns seldom are guilty of; a fellow of several scents and steams, French, Dutch, Italian, English, and therefore his lice must needs be mongrels: why, bill-money--

GOLDSTONE
I am sorry to hear this among you: you've all deceived me; truly I took you for other spirits. You must pardon me henceforward; I have a reputation to look to; I must be no more seen in your companies.

FRIPPERY
Nay, nay, nay, nay, Master Goldstone, you must not 'scape so, i'faith, one word before you go, sir.

GOLDSTONE
Pray, despatch then; I would not for half my revenues, i'faith, now, that any gallants should pass by in the meantime, and find me in your companies; nay, as quick as you can, sir.

FRIPPERY
You did not take away Master Bouser's cloak t'other morning, pawned it to me, and borrowed five pound upon't?

GOLDSTONE
Ha!

FRIPPERY
'Twas not you neither that finely cheated my little novice at Master Primero's house of a diamond and sapphire, and swore they were counterfeit, both glass, mere glass, as you were a right gentleman?

GOLDSTONE
'Slife, why were we strangers all this while? 'Sfoot, I perceive we are all natural brothers! A pox on's all, are we found, i'faith?

FRIPPERY
A cheater!

GOLDSTONE
A thief, a lecher, a bawd, and a broker!

FIRST CONSTABLE
What mean they to be so merry? I'm afraid they laugh at us, and make fools on's.

GOLDSTONE
Push, leave it to me. [To First Constable] How now, who would you speak withal?

FIRST CONSTABLE
Speak withal! Have we waited all this while for a suspected thief?

GOLDSTONE
How? You're scarce awake yet, I think: look well, does any appear like a thief in this company? Away, you slaves! You stand loitering when you should look to the commonwealth: you catch knaves apace now, do you not? They may walk by your nose, you rascals!

Exeunt Constables.

ALL
Sweet Master Goldstone!

GOLDSTONE
You lacked spirit in your company till I came among you: here be five on's; let's but glue together, why now the world shall not come between us.

PURSENET
If we be true among ourselves.

GOLDSTONE
Why, true; we cannot lack to be rich, for we cannot lack riches, nor can our wenches want, nor we want wenches.

PRIMERO
Let me alone to furnish you with them.

TAILBY
And me.

GOLDSTONE
There's one care past: and as for the knight's daughter,
Our chiefest business, and least thought upon--

PURSENET
That's true, i'faith.

TAILBY
How shall we agree for her?

GOLDSTONE
With as much ease as for the rest. Tomorrow
Brings the night: let's all appear in the best shape
We may; troth is, we have need on't: and when
Amongst us five she makes election,
As one she shall choose--

PURSENET
True, she cannot [but] choose.

GOLDSTONE
That one so fortunate amongst us five
Shall bear himself more portly, live regarded,
Keep house, and be a countenance to the rest.

ALL
[Admirable]!

GOLDSTONE
For instance;
[To Pursenet] Put case yourself, after some robbery done,
Were pursu'd hardly, why, there were your shelter,
You know your sanctuary; nay, say you were taken,
His letter to the justice will strike't dead:
'Tis policy to receive one for the head.

ALL
Let's hug thee, Goldstone.

GOLDSTONE
What have I begot?

PURSENET
What, sir?

GOLDSTONE
I must plot for you all; it likes me rarely.

TAILBY
Prithee, what is't, sir?

GOLDSTONE
'Twould strike Fitsgrave pale,
And make the other suitors appear blanks.

FRIPPERY
For our united mysteries.

GOLDSTONE
What if we five presented our full shapes
In a strange, gallant and conceited masque?

PURSENET
In a masque? Your thoughts and mine were twins.

TAILBY
So the device were subtle, nothing like it.

FRIPPERY
Some poet must assist us.

GOLDSTONE
Poet?
You'll take the direct line to have us stag'd?
Why, what lacks Bouser? Are you too well, too safe?
An absolute scholar; easy to be wrought,
No danger in the operation.

PURSENET
But have you so much interest?

GOLDSTONE
What, in Bouser?
Why, my least word commands him.

TAILBY
Then no man fitter.

PURSENET
And there's Master Frip, too,
Can furnish us of masquing suits enow.

FRIPPERY
Upon sufficient pawn, I think I can, sir.

PURSENET
Pawn? Jew, here, take my chain: pawns among brothers?
We shall thrive! But we must still expect
One rogue in five, and think us happy, too.

Enter Fitsgrave.

GOLDSTONE
Last man we spoke on, Master Bouser.

ALL
Little Master Bouser, sweet Master Bouser, welcome, i'faith.

FITSGRAVE
Are your fathers dead, gentlemen, you're so merry?

GOLDSTONE
By my troth, a good jest! Did not I commend his wit to you, gentlemen? Hark, sirrah Ralph Bouser, cousin Bouser, i'faith, there's a kind of portion in town, a girl of fifteen hundred, whom we all powerfully affect, and determine to present our parts to her in a masque.

FITSGRAVE
In a masque.

GOLDSTONE
Right, sir: now, a little of thy brain for a device to present us firm, which we shall never be able to do ourselves, thou knowest that; and with a kind of speech wherein thou mayst express what gallants are, bravely.

FITSGRAVE
Pooh, how can I express 'em otherwise but bravely? Now for a Mercury, and all were fitted.

PURSENET
Could not a boy supply it?

FITSGRAVE
Why, none better.

PURSENET
I have a boy shall put down all the Mercuries i' th' town; 'a will play a Mercury naturally, at his fingers' end[s], i'faith.

FITSGRAVE
Why, then we are suited: for torch-bearers and shield-boys, those are always the writer's properties; you're not troubled with them.

GOLDSTONE
Come, my little Bouser, do't finely now, to the life.

FITSGRAVE
I warrant you, gentlemen.

FRIPPERY
[Aside to Fitsgrave] Hist; give me a little touch above the rest, and you can possible, for I mean to present this chain of pearl to her.

FITSGRAVE
[Aside to Frippery] Now I know that, let me alone to fit you.

Exeunt.

V.[i. A chamber]

Enter Courtesans and Mistress Newcut.

FIRST COURTESAN
Come forth, you wary, private whispering strumpet!
Have we found your close haunts,
Your private watch-towers, and your subtle means?

MISTRESS NEWCUT
How then?

SECOND COURTESAN
You can steal secretly hither,
You mystical quean you, at twilight, twitter-lights!
You have a privilege from your hat, forsooth,
To walk without a man, and no suspicion;
But we poor gentlewomen that go in tires
Have no such liberty, we cannot do thus:
Custom grants that to you that's shame in us.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Have you done yet?

SECOND COURTESAN
You broke the back of one husband already;
And now th' other's dead with grief at sea,
With your secret expenses, close stealths, cunning
Filches, and continued banquets in corners.
Then, forsooth, you must have your milk-baths to white you,
Your roseleaves to sweeten you,
Your bean-flour bags to sleek you, and make you soft,
Smooth, and delicate, for lascivious entertainment

MISTRESS NEWCUT
So, and you think all this while you dance like a thief in a mist, you're safe, nobody can find you! Pray, were not you a feltmonger's daughter at first, that run away with a new courtier for the love of gentlewomen's clothes, and bought the fashion at a dear rate, with the loss of your name and credit? Why, what are all of you but rustical insides and city flesh, the blood of yeomen, and the bum of gentlewomen?

SECOND COURTESAN
What, shall we suffer a changeable forepart out-tongue us? Take that!

[They attack her.]

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Murder, murder!

Enter Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
How now! Why, ladies, a retreat! Come,
You have shown your spirits sufficiently:
You're all land-captains; and so they shall find
That come in your quarters; but have you the law
Free now to fight and scratch among yourselves,
And let your gallants run away with [others]?

FIRST COURTESAN
How!

SECOND COURTESAN
Good--

FIRST COURTESAN
Sweet Master Bouser!

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Another?

FITSGRAVE
Why then, I perceive you know nothing: why, they are in the way of marriage; a knight's daughter here in town makes her election among 'em this night.

FIRST COURTESAN
This night?

FITSGRAVE
This very night; and they all present themselves in a masque before her: know you not this?

SECOND COURTESAN
O traitor Master Goldstone!

THIRD COURTESAN
Perjured Master Tailby!

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Without soul?

FIRST COURTESAN
She will chase him!

FITSGRAVE
You have more cause to join,
And play the grounds of friendship 'mongst yourselves,
Than rashly run division: I could tell you
A means to pleasure you--

FIRST COURTESAN
Good Master Bouser!

FITSGRAVE
But that you're women, and are hardly secret--

SECOND COURTESAN
We vow it seriously.

FITSGRAVE
You should be all there in presence,
See all, hear all, and yet not they perceive you.

THIRD COURTESAN
So that--

MISTRESS NEWCUT
Sweet Master Bouser, I--

FITSGRAVE
I can
Stand you in stead; for I frame the device.

ALL
If ever--

FITSGRAVE
Will you do't? Hark you-- [Whispers.]

FIRST COURTESAN
Content.

SECOND COURTESAN
And I'll make one.

THIRD COURTESAN
And I another:
We'll mar the match.

[MISTRESS NEWCUT]
When that good news came of my husband's death,
Goldstone promis'd me marriage, and sware to me--

SECOND COURTESAN
I'll bring his oaths in question.

THIRD COURTESAN
So will I.

FITSGRAVE
Agree among yourselves, for shame!

FIRST COURTESAN
Are we
Resolv'd?

SECOND COURTESAN
In this who would not feign?

THIRD COURTESAN
Friends all,
For my part.

[MISTRESS NEWCUT]
Here's my lip for mine.

THIRD COURTESAN
Round let it go.

SECOND COURTESAN
All wrath thus quench'd.

FIRST COURTESAN
And I conclude it so.

Exeunt [all except Fitsgrave].

FITSGRAVE
How all events strike even with my wishes!
Their own invention damns them.

[Enter two Gentlemen, Pyamont, and Bungler.]

Now, gentlemen,
Stands your assistance firm?

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Why, 'tis our own case;
I'm sorry you should doubt.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
We'll furnish you.

Enter Painter with shields.

[BUNGLER]
Are these our gallants?

FITSGRAVE
Are our gallants these?

PAINTER
Here be five shields, sir.

FITSGRAVE
Finished already? That's well: I'll see thy master shortly.

PAINTER
I'm satisfied.

Exit.

PYAMONT
Prithee, let's see, Master Fitsgrave.

FITSGRAVE
I have blazed them.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
What's this?

[SECOND GENTLEMAN]
Fooh, you should be a gallant too, for you're no university scholar.

FITSGRAVE
Look, this is Pursenet; the device, a purse wide open, and the mouth downward: the word, Alienis ecce crumensis!

FIRST GENTLEMAN
What's that?

FITSGRAVE
"One that lives out of other men's pockets."

PYAMONT
That's right!

FITSGRAVE
Here's Goldstone's, three silver dice.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
They run high, two cinques and a quater!

FITSGRAVE
They're high-men, fit for his purpose; the word, Fratremque patremque.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
Nay, he will cheat his own brother; nay, his own father, i'faith!

FITSGRAVE
So much the word imports. Master Primero.

[BUNGLER]
Pox, what says he now?

FITSGRAVE
The device, an unvalued pearl hid in a cave; the word, Occul[t]os vendit honores.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
What's that?

FITSGRAVE
"One that sells maidenheads by wholesale."

SECOND GENTLEMAN
Excellently proper!

FITSGRAVE
Master Frip.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
That Pythagorical rascal! In a gentleman's suit today, in a knight's tomorrow.

FITSGRAVE
The device for him, a cuckoo sitting on a tree the word, En avis ex avibus, "one bird made of many!" For you know as the sparrow hatches the cuckoo, so the gentleman feathers the broker.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Let me admire thee, Master Fitsgrave!

FITSGRAVE
They will scorn, gentlemen; and to assist them the better, Pursenet's boy, that little precious pickpocket, has a compendious speech in Latin, and, like a Mercury, presents their dispositions more liberally.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Never were poor gallants so abused.

FITSGRAVE
Hang 'em! They're counterfeits;
No honest spirit will pity 'em. This is my crown;
So good men smile, I dread no rascal's frown.
Away, bestow yourselves secretly o'erhead;
This is the place appointed for the rehearsal,
To practise their behaviours.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
We are vanish'd.

[Exeunt the two Gentlemen, Pymont, and Bungler, who hide themselves above.] Enter Goldstone, Pursenet, Tailby, Frippery, Primero, and Boy.

GOLDSTONE
Master Bouser.

PURSENET
Well said, i'faith; off with your cloaks, gallants; let's fall roundly to our business.

TAILBY
Is the boy perfect?

FITSGRAVE
That's my credit, sir, I warrant you.

FRIPPERY
If our little Mercury should be out, we should scarce be known what we are.

FITSGRAVE
I have took a course for that, fear it not, sir. Look you, first, here be your shields.

GOLDSTONE
Ay, where be our shields?

PURSENET
Which is mine?

TAILBY
Which is mine, Master Bouser? This?

FITSGRAVE
I pray, be contained a little, gentlemen; they'll come all time enough to you, I warrant.

PURSENET
This Frip is grown so violent!

FITSGRAVE
Yours to begin withal, sir.

PURSENET
Well said, Master Bouser!

[FITSGRAVE]
First the device, a fair purse wide open, the mouth downward; the word, Alienis ecce crumenis!

PURSENET
What's that, prithee?

FITSGRAVE
"Your bounty pours itself forth to all men."

PURSENET
And so it does, i'faith; that's all my fault, bountiful.

FITSGRAVE
Master Goldstone, here's yours, sir; three silver dice; the word, Fratremque patremque.

GOLDSTONE
And what's that?

FITSGRAVE
"Fortune of my side."

GOLDSTONE
Well said, little Bouser, i'faith!

TAILBY
What say you to me, sir?

FITSGRAVE
For the device, a candle in a corner; the word, Consumptio victis.

TAILBY
The meaning of that, sir?

FITSGRAVE
"My light is yet in darkness till I enjoy her."

[TAILBY]
Right, sir.

PRIMERO
Now mine, sir?

FITSGRAVE
The device, an unvalued pearl hid in a cave.

PRIMERO
Aha, sirs!

FITSGRAVE
The word, Occultos vendit honores.

PRIMERO
Very good, I warrant.

FITSGRAVE
"A black man's a pearl in a fair lady's eye."

PRIMERO
I said 'twas some such thing.

FRIPPERY
My turn must need come now: am I fitted, Master Bouser?

FITSGRAVE
Trust to me: your device here is a cuckoo sitting on a tree.

FRIPPERY
The Welsh leiger; good.

FITSGRAVE
The word, En avis ex avibus!

FRIPPERY
Ay, marry, sir.

FITSGRAVE
Why, do you know what 'tis, sir?

FRIPPERY
No, by my troth, not yet, sir.

FITSGRAVE
O! "I keep one tune, I recant not."

FRIPPERY
I'm like the cuckoo in that indeed: where I love, I hold.

FITSGRAVE
Did I not promise you I would fit you?

GOLDSTONE
They're all very well done, i'faith, and very scholarlike, though I say't before thy face, little Bouser; but I would not have thee proud on't now: come, if this be performed well--

PURSENET
Who, the boy? He has performed deeper matters than this.

PYAMONT
[Aside] Ay, a pox on him! I think was in my pocket now, and truth were known.

BUNGLER
[Aside] I caught him once in mine.

FITSGRAVE
Suppose the shields are presented, then you begin, boy.

BOY
I representing Mercury, am a pickpocket, and have his part at my fingers' ends: "Page I am to that great and secret thief, magno illo et secreto latroni--"

[FITSGRAVE]
There you make your honour, sir.

BOY
At latroni?

[FITSGRAVE]
You have it, sir.

[PURSENET]
Latroni, that's mine.

FITSGRAVE
[Aside] He confesses the thief's his.

PURSENET
Remember, boy, you point latroni to me.

BOY
To you, master.

[FITSGRAVE]
Proceed.

[BOY]
"These four are his companions; the one a notable cheater, that will cozen his own father--"

FITSGRAVE
Master Goldstone.

GOLDSTONE
Let me alone, Master Bouser; I can take mine own turn.

FITSGRAVE
Why--

GOLDSTONE
Peace.

[BOY]
"The second a notorious lecher, maintained by harlots, cujus virtus consumptio corpus."

TAILBY
That's I, Master Bouser.

FITSGRAVE
There you remember your honour, sir.

BOY
"Ille leno pretiosissimus, virgineos ob lucrum vendens honores."

PURSENET
It sounds very well, i'faith.

BOY
"Postremus ille, quamvis apparatu splendidus, is no other than a broker; these feathers are not his own, sed avis ex avibus: all which to be nothing but truth will appear by the event."

FITSGRAVE
I'faith, here's all now, gentlemen.

GOLDSTONE
Short and pithy.

TAILBY
A good boy, i'faith, and a pregnant!

PURSENET
I dare put trust in the boy, sir. [To Boy] Forget not, sirrah, at any hand, to point that same latroni to me.

BOY
I warrant you, master.

GOLDSTONE
Come, gentlemen, the time beckons us away.

FITSGRAVE
Ay, furnish, gentlemen, furnish.

PURSENET
Hark, one word, Master Bouser: what's the same latroni? I have a good mind to that word, i'faith.

FITSGRAVE
Latroni? Why, "[shrieve] of the shire."

PURSENET
I'faith, and I have shriven some shires in my days.

Exeunt Goldstone, Pursenet, Tailby, Frippery, Primero, and Boy.

FITSGRAVE
Now, gentlemen, are you satisfied and pleas'd?

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Never more amply.

FITSGRAVE
Amongst us now falls that desired lot,
For we shall blast five rivals with one plot.

[Exeunt.]

[V.ii. A hall in Katherine's house]

Enter Katherine between two ancient Gentlemen.

KATHERINE
Grave gentlemen, in whose approved bosoms
My deceas'd father did repose much faith,
You're dearly welcome: pray, sit, command music;
See nothing want to beautify this night,
That holds my election in her peaceful arms;
Feasts, music, hymns, those sweet celestial [charms].

FIRST GENTLEMAN
May you be blest in this election.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
That content may meet perfection.

HYMN
Sound lute, bandora gittern,
Viol, virginals, and cittern;
Voices spring, and lift aloud
Her name that makes the music proud!
This night perfection
Makes her election.
Follow, follow, follow, follow round,
Look you to that, nay, you to that, nay, you to that:
Anon you will be found, anon you will be found, anon you will be found.

Cornets sound: enter the Masque, thus ordered: a torch-bearer, a shield-boy, then a masquer, so throughout; then the shield-boys fall at one end, the torch-bearers at the other; the masquers i' th' middle: the torch-bearers are the five gentlemen, the shield-boys the whores in boys' apparel; the masquers the five gallants: they bow to her; she rises and shows the like: they dance, but first deliver the shields up; she reads. The speech: their action.

KATHERINE
[Reads] "Alienis ecce crumenis!"

[Pursenet bows to her.]

[Reads] "Fratremque patremque."

[Goldstone bows to her.]

[Reads] "Consumptio victus."

[Tailby bows to her.]

[Reads] "Occultos vendit honores."

[Primero bows to her.]

A cuckoo: [reads] "En avis ex avibus!"

[Frippery bows to her.]

Are you all as the speech and shields display you?

GOLDSTONE
We shall prove so.

They go to dance, each unhasps his weapon from his side, and gives it to the torch-bearers. Katherine seems distrustful, but then Fitsgrave whispers to her and falls back. At then end of which, all making an honour, Frippery presents her with the chain of pearl.

KATHERINE
The very chain of pearl was filch'd from me!

[The Boy begins to sneak away.]

FITSGRAVE
Hold! Stop the boy there!

Boy seized. Pursenet stamps.

KATHERINE
Will none lay hands on him?

Frippery seized.

GOLDSTONE
How now?

FRIPPERY
Alas, I'm but a broker! 'Twas pawned to me in my shop.

Fitsgrave, Pyamont, and the others discover themselves.

TAILBY
Ha, Fitsgrave!

PURSENET
Pyamont, and the rest!

GOLDSTONE
Where's Bouser?

FITSGRAVE
Here.

GOLDSTONE
We are all betrayed!

FITSGRAVE
Betrayed? You're [not worthy to be] to betrayed, you have not so much worth: nay, struggle not with the net, you are caught for this world.

FIRST COURTESAN
Would we were out!

FITSGRAVE
'Twas I fram'd your device, do you see? 'Twas I!
The whole assembly has took notice of it.
[To Goldstone] That you are a gallant cheater,
So much the pawning of my cloak contains;
[to Pursenet] You a base thief, think of Combe Park; [to Tailby] and tell me
That you're a hired smockster; here's her letter,
[to Primero] In which we are certified that you're a bawd.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
The broker has confessed it.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
So has the boy.

TAILBY
That boy will be hanged; he stole the chain at first,
And has thus long maintained his master's gallantry

FITSGRAVE
All which we here present, like captive slaves,
Waiting that doom which their presumption craves.

KATHERINE
How easily may our suspectless sex
With fair appearing shadows be deluded!
Dear sir, you have the work so well begun,
That took from you, small glory would be won.

FITSGRAVE
Since 'tis your pleasure to refer to me
The doom of these, I have provided so,
They shall not altogether lose their cost:
See, I have brought wives for 'em.

[The women of the masque discover themselves.]

GOLDSTONE
Heart, the strumpets! Out, out!

TAILBY
Having assum'd, out of their impudence,
The shape of shield-boys!

FRIPPERY
To heap full confusion!

FIRST COURTESAN
Rather confine us to strict chastity,
A mere impossible task, than to wed these,
Whom we [do] loathe worse than the foul'st disease.

GOLDSTONE
O grant 'em their requests!

FITSGRAVE
The doom is past; so, since your aim was marriage,
Either embrace it in these courtesans,
Or have your base acts and felonious lives
Proclaim'd to the indignation of the law,
Which will provide a public punishment.
As for the boy, and that infectious bawd,
We put forth those to whipping.

PRIMERO
Whipping? You find not that in the statute to whip satin.

FITSGRAVE
Away with him!

[Primero and Boy led off.]

GOLDSTONE
Since all our shifts are discovered, as far as I can see, 'tis our best course to marry 'em; we'll make them get our livings.

PURSENET
He says true.

MISTRESS NEWCUT
You see how we are threatened: by my troth, wenches, be ruled by me; let's marry 'em, and it be but to plague 'em; for when we have husbands we are under covert-baron, and may lie with whom we list! I have tried that in my t'other husband's days.

ALL THE COURTESANS
A match.

FITSGRAVE
I'll be no more deferr'd: come, when do you join?

GOLDSTONE
These forc'd marriages do never come to good.

FITSGRAVE
How can they when the[y] come to such as you?

PURSENET
The[y] often prove the ruin of great houses.

[FITSGRAVE]
Nor, virgin, do I in this seek to entice
All glory to myself; these gentlemen,
[Whom] I am bound to love for kind assistance,
Had great affinity in the plot with me.

KATHERINE
To them I give my thanks; myself to thee,
Thrice-worthy Fitsgrave!

FITSGRAVE
I have all my wishes.

KATHERINE
And I presume there's none but those can frown,
Whose envies, like the rushes, we tread down.

[Exeunt omnes.]

In this play Middleton focuses his satire entirely on London's gamesters, men who cultivated a respectable facade to hide various vices such as whoring, gambling, cheating, or robbery. More so than with other Middleton comedies, Your Five Gallants demonstrates a connection to a type of underworld writing, very popular in the 16th and 17th centuries, known as Rogue Literature. It must also be included in the long list of literary ancestor of the Characters of the Greek philosopher Theophrastus. This work presents brief sketches of human types embodying particular faults, an English translation of which appeared in 1592; this list might also include Robert Greene's A Notable Discovery of Cozenage and "coney-catching" pamphlets (1592), Joseph Hall's Virtues and Vices (1608), Dekker's The Gull's Hornbook (1609), and Sir Thomas Overbury's Characters (1614, in collaboration with Dekker, Webster, and Donne). Indeed, the names of Middleton's gallants, all but one of which indicate their principle vice, follow the tradition of Theophrastian caricature.

On the other hand, I think there are occasional glimpses of Middleton offering a realism of character, as we know it. Of course his intention is not to present a constant and thorough introspection as Shakespeare does, but take as an example Frippery's recounting his struggle to social respectability. As he surveys his pawns and remembers what he "would fain forget," the issue is not merely what type of "gallant" he is, but why he has become and why he remains a "gallant."

Satire begins with reality, and so amidst all of the laughter, Middleton continues to hold his mirror up to society. The laughter is there because of the mirror, but the laughter is far from confident. Combe Park was as much of a danger for the theater-goer as it is for Tailby. Every now and then Middleton reminds us, through Fitsgrave, that such men "live on nothing; many cannot live on something:/Here they may take example." In other words, even though the problem of immoral behavior is easily solved on stage, it could easily get worse outside the theater.

FRIPPERY: from friperie (Fr.), a pawnbroker's shop; cf. Chapman's Monsieur D'Olive

PRIMERO: a popular card game of the time

[Two GENTLEMEN]: Unnamed gentlemen appear in three scenes. The stage direction beginning III.iv calls for two gentlemen, but clearly one of them is Fitsgrave, who shows the other the paper dropped by Pursenet two scenes before. Three gentlemen accompany Pyamont when Fitsgrave reveals his trap in V.i, but later in the scene Bungler's name appears as a speech prefix. Dyce and Bullen emend for consistency, as Bullen explains: "This part of the play is exceedingly corrupt. There is no stage-direction in old ed. I have reluctantly followed Dyce in identifying the Third Gentleman with Bungler. Hitherto Bungler has been represented as an arrant ass,--the last person that Fitsgrave would have taken into his confidence. Yet it is clear that he is the speaker in l. 189, where he alludes to having had his pocket picked...." Given the general textual confusion at this point and the earlier replacement of a named with an unnamed character, I choose to recognize Bungler as one of the gentlemen. Of course, one might argue that Bungler wasn't intended to be there, that Bun. was accidentally inserted for 3., and the Third Gentleman is yet another victim of the Boy's pickpocketing. In the final scene, Katherine speaks to two "ancient" gentlemen, friends of her late father. Clearly these are the same gentlemen who have been privy to Fitsgrave's investigation.

MISTRESS NEWCUT: cut is slang for vagina

[Three] COURTESANS: Of course Primero could have any number of courtesans in his employ who appear on the stage, but only three have speaking parts. V.i gives a line to a fourth courtesan, but Bullen reassigns it to Mistress Newcut; I support this emendation because Mistress Newcut is one of the masque's five "whores" (as the s.d. calls them) who end up marrying the gallants. (I assume the Novice counts for one of them as well, thus making the five. However, one might keep a fourth courtesan and give the Novice the unassigned lines to the masque's hymn, for which she would be the best choice among those not already involved.)

Hactenus quasi inductio: "thus far the induction, as it were"

I.i.

jealous: fearful, suspicious

pestilence: The Plague of 1603 killed at least 30,000 in London, and over 3000 in one week alone (cf. detail below). Precautions against infection were extreme, and those infected were treated as outcasts; Frippery's fears are not so exaggerated. Below, a contemporary broadsheet and two details, showing victims in bed and the dead being taken through town (nb. the killing of dogs to prevent the spread of the disease) and finally out of London.

Cropshin: A cropshin (var. corpion) is a herring of inferior quality; cf. Poetaster I.ii.

casting-bottle: a bottle for sprinkling perfumes; cf. Jonson's Cynthia's Revels II.i.

lie-pot: lye-pot, an ornamental vessel to hold lye for use as hair-wash

bill: Bills of Mortality were weekly returns of plague deaths and were often quite inaccurate. They began to be compiled in the 16th century by the Company of Parish Clerks, representing 109 parishes in and near London. Illustration: a bill of mortality, reporting the "mortality of pestilence," the deathrate for the worst years from 1592 to 1636. The detail shows the week of September 1, 1603, and the general burial count of 3385, 3034 of which were the results of the plague.

Saint Bride's: Below, St. Bride, Fleet Street, rebuilt by Wren, with St. Paul's in the background. From an engraving by Bowles, 1753.

rank: 1) have a high position, 2) smell awful, a sense picked up by the last part of sentence; the same pun occurs at the end of the next scene.

Proctor: an attorney in a court of civil or canon law

spiritual gown: with the punning juxtaposition with "corporal doublet"

Saint Martin's: Below, St. Martin-in-the-Fields, rebuilt by James Gibbs in 1722-24, with Hubert le Sueur's statue of Charles I in the foreground.

shifts: 1) ways of coping, tricks, 2) loosely fitting dresses like chemises, as Frippery puns on

turned: altered, and the Fellow provides the sexual innuendo

beaver: a hat made of beaver fur

band: ruff, collar

fall: a collar lying flat around the neck, or a kind of veil, especially one handing from the back of a hat; Frippery puns on fall = sin

[gentlewomen's]: gentlewoman's (Q)

limberest: yielding readily to opposition, i.e., least

nobles: coin worth 6s. 8d.

Tell: count

do: with the sexual innuendo

receipt: formula, recipe

violet air: violet-scented air

curious: odd, unusual

seated: situated

patrimonies: inheritances

sippits: sippets, bits of toast or fried bread, such as is served in soups

fee-simple: ownership of land with the right to sell or give it to anyone

close: clandestine

folio nor in decimo sexto, but in octavo: Folio is a book having pages made by folding large sheets of paper once; this is the largest size, usually more than eleven inches in height. Octavo is a book in which each leaf in one eighth of a whole sheet of paper, decimo sexto one sixteenth.

trug: trull

put case: suppose

omne tulit punctum: the moment carried away all

punks: whores

qui miscuit utile dulci: that mixed the sweet with the profitable

get-penny: "A theatrical term for a profitable performance" (Bullen); cf. Jonson's Bartholomew Fair

nimming: pickpocketing; cf. Shakespeare's Corporal Nym

vails: money given to a servant or attendant, especially by guests on their departure from their host's home

[But, mass, sir]: Dyce's emendation of "Ar. But maister" (Q)

prevent: anticipate

lins: ceases

closestool: a box with a seat and lid, here a chamberpot, with a pun on privy; cf. The Family of Love I.iii, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside V.i.

Blackwall: On the north bank of the Thames between the Isle of Dogs and near the mouth of the Lea; site of the Blackwall Shipyard, begun in the late 16th century. In 1606, Captain John Smith and fellows left here for what would become Virginia.

rize: rose

censur'd: esteemed

[not]: nor (Q)

[in the knight's ward]: appears after the word "dagger" in (Q). Counters were debtors' prisons (in London were the Poultry Counter and the Woodstreet Counter), and they were divided into four wards. The master's was for the richest and provided the best accommodations; then came the knight's, the twopenny, and finally the Hole for the most poor. Cf. The Phoenix II.iii, IV.iii; A Chaste Maid in Cheapside V.iv; Michaelmas Term III.iv; The Roaring Girl III.iii.

hangers: loops or straps, fastened to the girdle, in which the rapier was suspended

third sweat: Sweating was a treatment for venereal disease.

picking the ninth part of a rack of mutton: suffering the consequences of whoring

[than]: them (Q)

I.ii.

[perfection]: perfections (Q)

command: commend

Vouchsafe...my sighs: Vouchsafe vnequalld Virgin whereon I iustly kept/Accept this worthlesse fauor from your seruants arme, the hallowed beades,/The true and perfect number of my sighs. (Q); Unequall'd virgin, from your servant's arm/Vouchsafe this worthless favour [to] accept,--/The hallow'd beads, whereon I justly kept/The true and perfect number of my sighs. (Bullen). I have accepted Dyce's emendation.

insulted: behaved with scornful pride or insolence

sneck'd: filched

revenue: with stress on the second syllable

purchase: stolen property, swag

stings...pierc'd: nb. sibilance

aspected toward: looking at

II.i.

Push!: Middleton's favorite ejaculation, and one examined in contrast to Rowley's "Tush!" in one the earliest attribution studies (1897)

still: always

portions: inherited property

prick-song: a pricked song is music written down, with the obvious pun; cf. The Phoenix I.ii, Women Beware Women III.ii, Romeo and Juliet II.iv.

inward: friendly

[his parts deserve it]: given to Pursenet in (Q)

cringes: cf. French cringes IV.vi.

viols: viol de gambo, a six-stringed violin, with the sexual innuendo; cf. A Trick to Catch the Old One I.i.

want of these things at university: For the social awkwardness of university students, cf. The Family of Love II.iv, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside III.ii.

respectively: respectfully, regarded as an affected expression; cf. later this scene, Marston's Antonio and Mellida III.iv.

stop, a prick, or a semiquaver: a series of bawdy musical puns. Stop = 1) the closing of a finger-hole or ventage in the tube of a wind instrument so as to alter the pitch, cf. Hamlet III.ii, 2 Henry IV Ind., 2) the act of filling or closing up an aperture, with the sexual innuendo. Prick = 1) in medieval music, a note or measure of time, or a mark or dot in musical notation, 2) penis. Semiquaver = 1) a short musical note, 2) a short tremulous cry or movement, hence an orgasm.

musica est ars: "music is art," with the pun on arse; cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside IV.i.

[Exit]: following Bullen's addition

art: deception

were entered: with the sexual innuendo

drabs: whores

ring: a pun on vagina; cf. II.iv, The Family of Love II.iv, V.iii.

[Goldstone]: Bouser (Q)

miss: lose

beakers: goblets

Mermaid: the famous tavern, meeting place of Shakespeare, Donne, Beaumont, Fletcher, and Jonson, located on Bread Street in Cheapside; it was destroyed in the Great Fire of 1666

Mitre: Located on Wood Street in Cheapside, it was destroyed in the Great Fire of 1666. It is mentioned by Jonson in Bartholomew Fair and Every Man in His Humour.

[PURSENET]: Goldstone's line in (Q); I agree with Bullen's emendation because Goldstone has just said he has forsworn the Mermaid. Bullen adds: "Perhaps Middleton's animus against the Mermaid is to be explained by the fact that it was Ben Jonson's favourite resort."

[PURSENET]: All. (Q)

tire-men: dressers at the theater

pageant-plot: most likely one of the theatrical presentations, often extravagant, involved in the Lord Mayor's shows, a number of which Middleton wrote

device for the tilt-yard: the quintain, a wooden figure used as a target (see illustration); Orlando compares himself to one in As You Like It I.ii.

ordinary: eating-house

come me up: come up to me

pullen: poultry

touch: test (to see if it's paste)

fames: reputations

what serves your coach for: By the early 17th century, coaches were popular places for love-making. Cf. The Phoenix II.iii, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside III.iii, The Roaring Girl III.i.

More censure: better opinion

What made you there: What were you doing there?

[you]: your (Q)

weigh: care about

['Tween]: Turne (Q)

You wrong my health: i.e., because of the pox

populous: teeming, abundant

whose clothes...through 'em: a thematic image of external wealth hiding internal decay

Exeunt: The following two scenes appear in this order in (Q), but Bullen tacks on II.iii here. "The scene between Fitsgrave and the servant intervenes here so awkwardly, that I have ventured to make a transposition."

II.ii.

You belong to me: Fitsgrave is merely indicating that he wants to talk to the servant and that the servant cannot deny him because he is a gentleman.

Jeronimo Bedlam: an allusion to the mad Jeronimo of Kyd's Spanish Tragedy; cf. Blurt, Master Constable IV.i. Bedlam = Bethlehem Hospital, a lunatic asylum.

stol'n: "Dyce suggests 'lorn' (i.e., lost)--for the sake of the rhyme" (Bullen).

II.iii.

mickle: much

muggle: The OED cannot define this word, although there is a listing for an alleged Kentish word for tail; so here, "I won't marry until I become a beast again"?

celestial: sky blue

smock-fortune: smock = a woman's undergarment

keeps it up: with the sexual innuendo

lawn: fine linen or clothing made from it, so called because it was bleached on a lawn instead of the ordinary bleaching grounds

II.iv.

nor...nor: neither...nor

'Slife: By God's life; an act of 1606 forbade mentioning the name of God on stage

cloy'd: satiated (ironic, because by seeing three, he loves none)

alchemy knaves: the cheap knock-offs to be substituted for the genuine beakers. "Alchemy...was the name of a base compound metal" (Bullen).

[chatterer]: quarter her (Q); this is Dyce's emendation.

bore: i.e., the diameter of the cup

draw in: join in the dicing

on's: of his

Turn knight: A jibe at the "carpet knights." Almost immediately after he was crowned, James I began conferring many new knighthoods, considered lavish and undiscriminating by those who felt that these carpet knights cheapened the rank. Cf. The Phoenix I.vi.

slubbering: dulling (the spurs); cf. Slubber the Beadle in Blurt, Master Constable

standards: emblems, symbols

cozened: cheated

I forgot him quite: possibly reminiscent of Peter's denial of Christ

[FITSGRAVE]: Goldstone's line in (Q); the comment is more appropriately Fitsgrave's

washed angel: gold coin originally worth ten shillings, but washed = sweated, treated with liquid to remove some of the metal, and therefore debased

Mistress...ring: a gold coin stamped with a rose. Gold coins were thin and liable to crack; they were still good currency until a crack entered the inmost ring which circumscribed the inscription. The pun is ring = vagina.

gamesters: wenchers, gamblers

[TAILBY]: Pursenet's line in (Q)

bones: 1) dice, 2) human bones, which deteriorated with the pox

'Slud: By God's blood; the following oath = By God's (eye) lid

[thine]: mine (Q)

will be ever: will be ever be (Q)

suborn: make disloyal

again: against

fooker: capitalist, financier

hatch'd: engraved

snibbed: snubbed

two treys and a quater: two threes and a four on the dice

I have tongue fit for anything: a scatological pun referring to the aforesaid breeches and a pun on "tale"

i' th' hundred: one hundred percent

this, old cinque-quater drivel-beard: not punctuated in (Q), but the only way this sentence makes sense is to insert a missing comma before either "old" or "drivel-beard." In the first instance, "this old cinque-quater" (or four-five) would either be a roll of the dice or a particular dicing game, although I've not been able to identify it. Otherwise, it is all a part of Tailby's appellation for Fulk, likelier because Fulk is old and is consistently winning, probably with a four-five combination.

[FULK]: Pursenet's line in (Q)

disgest: digest

casting: dicing

cross-biter: cheater

Filch it on hob goblet: i.e., "You're using the wax to steal that small goblet?"

royals: spur-royals were gold coins worth 15s.

[SECOND DRAWER/What's to be done, sirs?]: part of Goldstone's line in (Q)

indifferent: modest, insignificant

['Tis]: This (Q)

the loss is [near] all: affects us all; [near] = neere (Q)

What, we are not all one woman's children: i.e., "We are not all thieves."

this comfort: either the angels Goldstone has collected or the promise of continued patronage that follows; getting away with merely a promise, of course, adds to the cheat, but the Vintner seems too wary to let it go at that.

yon: yonder

III.i.

wills: sexual desires

French adversary, nor his big swoll'n confederates: a reference to syphilis, the "French disease/pox"; cf. A Fair Quarrel IV.iv, Blurt, Master Constable I.ii, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside V.i.

Combe Park: in the parish of Kingston-on-Thames, infested by highwaymen

III.ii.

extremities: i.e., robbing

despatch: dispatch

proper-parted: with handsome attributes

injury: injure; cf. 1 Tamburlaine I.i.

bind: cf. The Phoenix II.i for a similar image.

marks: alarms that he has just been robbed, with Tailby's pun on the coins worth 13s. 4.

courteous: covetous (Dyce, Bullen)

firedrakes: fireworks, from the fiery dragons in Germanic mythology

quean: whore

thy: my (Bullen), but Pursenet could be thinking of ways to get back at her

bumbast: bombast (var.)

Why, this...to another: reminiscent of Hamlet's argument of cyclical progress involving a king, a beggar, a fish and a worm in IV.iii.

[her]: him (Q)

Light: by this light

III.iii.

How deep's it: referring to Pursenet's wound

extremes: utmost dangers

Pissing again a conduit: a punning geographical reference to the Pissing Conduit in Westcheap, so named for the slenderness of its stream of water

III.iv.

subaudi: understand, read

fares: 1) makes one's way, goes along, 2) pun on plays a dicing game called "fare"

III.v.

fetch you: return to consciousness, although the First Courtesan is probably feigning

news abroad: that's old news

compass: 1) proper limits, moderation, 2) voice range, as Pursenet is probably screeching, 3) indicator of director, which is Pursenet's pun

Saint George's Day: April 23, observed in honor of the patron saint of England

spoil: (further) injure

Venus, goddess of Cyprus: Venus is most honored in Cyprus, the island which received her after she rose from the foam.

pink: 1) stab from a sword or dagger, 2) small boat with a narrow stern, in answer to the allusion to a voyage from Cyprus

Coleman Street: a street just north of Cheapside, named after the coalmen who used to live there

Ex for ex: "Can this expression mean ecce for example?" (Dyce, quoted by Bullen). I believe Pursenet is referring to the X made by crossed swords.

Saturn is in the fifth house: Pursenet's astrological comment is heavily ironic. In astrological terms, Saturn is work-demanding and methodical, and rules the eleventh house, the seat of social consciousness; the fifth house (Leo) includes gambling, risk-taking, and (by coincidence?) acting and drama. (Thanks to alt. subscribers Kathy Dempsey and Paul Spunky for this info.)

[are]: were (Q)

remember: remind

Newgate: one of the gates of ancient London and its chief prison, demolished in 1777; cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside II.ii.

lined fast: securely serving as lining

creed: i.e., the Apostles' Creed or the Nicene Creed

chapter: i.e., from the Bible

eclipse: an evil omen

eke: moreover, in addition

chrisom: "A child who died within one month after birth, and who was buried in the chrisome (a white cloth thrown over it at baptism)" (Bullen).

Bridewell: Originally a palace given by Edward VI as a workhouse for the poor, Bridewell had degenerated to a prison for prostitutes; cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside II.i.

chap-choke: become chap-fallen

watchet: light blue

orient: bright, radiant

left: left off

sham-legged: possibly a reference to the affectatious practice of padding one's hose to counterfeit a well-shaped leg, a mark of attractiveness, although the OED conjectures wooden-legged for its earliest citation of 1688

botcher: 1) a tailor who makes repairs; a mender or patcher, 2) bungler, clumsy worker, 3) a possible pun on botch = a swelling on the skin, such as a boil or pimple, hence Goldstone's remark on cleanliness. The general comedy of this small scene is based on Jacobean society's disrespect for tailors.

IV.i.

Wigmore's galliard: "Many ballads were sung to the tune of Wigmore's Galliard" (Bullen).

IV.ii.

trussing: tying the points that joined the breeches to the doublet; this is the method of dramatists to indicate the character has just awakened. Cf. The Phoenix III.i, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside II.iii.

squall: a small or insignificant person; cf. Michaelmas Term I.ii, III.i.

dog-sign: the constellation Canis Major, in which is the Dog Star, the brightest star in the sky

standing wages: fixed and not casual or fluctuating income

vail: money given to a servant or attendant, especially by guests on their departure from their host's home; there is sexual innuendo later with "standing" and "drooping."

caudle: warm drink of gruel and ale or wine

'tis e'en...players: [down] = nowne (Q); an allusion to the closing of the theaters during the Plague of 1603 and the number of reported deaths on the Bills of Mortality before a quarantine was enforced

[that's]: whats (Q)

templars: barristers who had chambers in the Inner or Middle Temple, many of whom attended the private theaters for which Middleton wrote and had a reputation for womanizing; Tailby makes a sexual pun on "room."

Pize: pest, pox, mischief

stood still: with the sexual innuendo

Allhollandtide: Hallowstide, November 1

Take: Takes (Q)

IV.iii.

IV.iv.

calf: fool

[lead]: lend (Q)

barber-surgeon's: Barbering and surgery, as well as other services such as dentistry and blood-letting, were all performed by the same man; medical practices were quite barbarous by today's standards, and barber-surgeons were not looked on kindly.

IV.v.

stockfish: fish, such as cod, haddock, or hake, preserved by splitting and drying in the air without salt; there is sexual innuendo: cf. Measure for Measure III.ii where Angelo is said to have been begotten between two stockfishes.

[GOLDSTONE]: Bungler's line in (Q)

pickle: 1) brine used as a preservative, 2) trouble, because his wife, left unwatched, will cuckold him, 3) the pox

fig-frails: fig baskets

steaks: strips; cf. The Phoenix I.v "steaks of velvet," strips or squares of velvet inset in a garment

it brings...grieves me: a reference to the cuckold's horns

revenues: mere monetary income

filed tongue: smooth talk

undaunted forehead: aggressive nature; Fitsgrave's thoughts are borne out by the soliloquies of the gallants, e.g., Pursenet's of III.i, "if thou advance thy head," and Goldstone's of IV.viii praising impudent wit.

minion: darling, beloved; a lady love, especially a mistress or paramour

IV.vi.

gave the ram's head: i.e., gave the money to the ram's head; ram's head = dull, thick-witted person. The Boy expectedly puns on cuckoldry. In IV.viii, Pyamont says he received 40 pounds from a goldsmith, who it would seem is the Boy's father.

[I'd know]: I knew (Q)

O times and manners!: "O tempora! O mores!" from Cicero's Cataline; misquoted by Tim Yellowhammer in A Chaste Maid in Cheapside V.iv.

at leisure: i.e., free to perform in an extravagant salutation, and therefore away from the pockets

Italian kiss: an embrace followed by a kiss on each

French cringe: extravagant bowing that resembled subservient crouching, popular among the French court

Polonian waist: bowing deeply from the waist; Polonian = Polish

navel: middle

IV.vii.

decheerful: melancholy

At first give me a trip?: i.e., "Slight me without even knowing me?"

a' life: by my life

[Why, ye shall see a pretty story of a humour]: Given to Bungler in (Q)

salt: salt-cellar

[stay]: stray (Q)

Cuds my life!: a corruption of "God's my life!" Cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside II.i "Cuds foot!", The Phoenix V.i "Cuds me!"

shuttle-headed: alluding to Marmaduke's moving quickly to and fro, like a weaver's shuttle

a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt: a pun on "assault," as Mistress Newcut is probably beating Marmaduke

tenor: a musical pun on bell

maple-faced: spotty-faced

IV.viii.

No less...one lift!: Dyce notes that we never see Pyamont's pocket being picked when Pursenet pretends to swoon; he suspects that the incident happened before Pursenet's exit in IV.vi and the text has dropped out. I agree: the obvious mention of having forty pounds in gold in Pyamont's exit line is there for dramatic irony.

I paid the goldsmith: Goldsmiths acted as bankers.

I could fight with a windmill: an allusion to the first part of Cervantes's Don Quixote de la Mancha (1605); although the first English translation (by Thomas Shelton) did not appear until 1607, the knight's adventures became widely known rather quickly. Other contemporary allusions appear in Wilkins's The Miseries of Enforced Marriage (1606), Epicoene (1609), and The Alchemist (1610), and Cervantes's tale of the Curious Impertinent is the source of the subplot of The Second Maiden's Tragedy.

gold and pearl is very restorative: believed to have great medicinal properties; cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside V.ii, A Mad World, My Masters II.vi.

fly to your clothes because: refer to your fancy wardrobe to prove

purs'd it up: pocketed an affront; cf. Antony and Cleopatra II.ii.

conveyance: an ameliorative term, the "art" of thievery; cf. The Merry Wives of Windsor I.iii.

handsel: present, reward; foretaste (fig.)

tole: (var.) toll = attract, entice

carkanet: necklace

laid: sought out; cf. A Trick to Catch the Old One I.ii, 2 Henry VI IV.x.

[goldsmith]: goldsmits (Q)

roadway: with the pun on road = whore; cf. 2 Henry IV II.ii.

leese: lose, i.e., lose sight out, said sarcastically. Cf. Blurt, Master Constable II.ii.

tickle: have arrested; cf. Blurt, Master Constable I.ii, passim.

Let: lets (Q)

I'm glad in my soul, sir: After this line in (Q) is the italicized word Gnawes, which Dyce presumes is a stage direction.

flies...necessity: bursts out in passion

themes: i.e., topics of gossip and derision

list: desire

'a: of

keeps...for you!: cf. mention of tree-tops love-making in A Chaste Maid in Cheapside III.iii.

cast: cast off

noddle: head

[look'st]: lookt (Q); just like Primero, Frippery looks away to be inconspicuous.

nittical: infested by nits

scents and steams: i.e., odors from dirty clothes; cf. The Merry Wives of Windsor III.v.

bill-money: money given by the broker with the pawn ticket, or paid back to the broker along with the ticket to reclaim the pawned item

[Admirable!]: Admirall (Q)

His letter...the head: For the corruption of justices, see Falso in The Phoenix.

blanks: i.e., worthless

For our united mysteries: It seems like there is a foot missing here, e.g., "...'tis best."

Jew: Used opprobriously, a crafty or greedy person. Jews were often unkindly depicted or referred to in these terms in Elizabethan and Jacobean drama; the most notable examples are of course The Merchant of Venice and The Jew of Malta. Cf. The Phoenix II.ii.

'a will...end[s]: Mercury was the god of thieves.

V.i.

A chamber: The action most likely takes place in a public rather than private chamber, a place where both Mistress Newcut might be found and Fitsgrave would arrange to rehearse the masque.

mystical: secretive; cf. A Chaste Maid in Cheapside III.i.

twitter-lights: synonymous with twilight; cf. More Dissemblers Besides Women III.i.

You have a privilege from your hat: "An allusion to some regulation about dress, which I cannot explain: the reader may turn to Strutt's Dress and Habits, &c., vol. ii. p. 316." (Dyce).

tires: covering or ornaments for women's heads, headdresses

bean-flour bags: cf. The Old Law II.ii, Women Beware Women III.i.

yeomen: men who owned a small amount of land and ranked as commoners, freeholders

bum: buttocks, cf. The Family of Love IV.iii, Measure for Measure II.i.

changeable forepart: loose woman; forepart = an ornamental covering for the breast worn by women, a stomacher

[others]: us (Q)

grounds: an old musical term for an air on which variations and divisions were made

[MISTRESS NEWCUT]: given to Third Courtesan (Q)

[MISTRESS NEWCUT]: given to a fourth courtesan in (Q); cf. note on the number of courtesans in Dramatis Personae.

Bungler: Cf. note on the number of gentlemen in Dramatis Personae

[BUNGLER]: given to a third gentleman in (Q)

blazed: emblazoned

word: motto

high-men: loaded dice

Fratremque patremque: "Both brother and father"

[BUNGLER]: given to a third gentleman (Q)

unvalued: invaluable

Occul[t]os vendit honores: "He sells concealed/secret honors"

Pythagorical: an allusion to the transmigration of souls, a theory attributed to Pythagoras, which the Gentleman links to Frippery's use of pawned clothing. Cf. A Trick to Catch the Old One IV.v, Jonson's Cynthia's Revels IV.iii.

sparrow hatches the cuckoo: lechery (which the sparrow symbolized) leads to cuckoldry

crown: reward; aim, purpose. From the Latin phrase Finis coronat opus, "the end crowns the work;" cf. All's Well that Ends Well IV.iv, Troilus and Cressida IV.v.

perfect: i.e., does he know his lines?

Consumptio victis: "Wasting away by his way of life"

A black man's a pearl in a fair lady's eye: derived from the Elizabethan preference for blonde hair and pale skin

Welsh leiger: another name for the cuckoo, possibly from its migration from the west

[FITSGRAVE]: given to Bungler in (Q). The text in this section is obviously corrupt, even more so than elsewhere. I have adopted most of Bullen's emendations of speech prefixes, but this still does not solve the larger problem, which is that the gallants should never hear the English translations of the Latin phrases that describe their true characters. The fact that Fitsgrave has been given some of the Boy's lines of the masque, I think, points to how the scene would have been played. As with the section regarding the shield inscriptions immediately preceding, the character of Fitsgrave would have acted as a translator for those audience members who did not know the Latin well enough; the Boy would read those lines truly describing the gallants (written by Fitsgrave in Latin to keep the gallants fooled), and then Fitsgrave would offer the translation in an aside.

honour: bow

[FITSGRAVE]: given to Pursenet in (Q)

[PURSENET]: given to the Boy in (Q)

[BOY]: given to Fitsgrave in (Q)

[BOY]: given to Fitsgrave in (Q)

cujus virtus consumptio corpus: "Whose body is wasting away by his way of life"

Ille leno pretiosissimus, virgineos ob lucrum vendens honores: "This most extravagant pandar is selling the honors of virgins for money"

Postremus ille, quamvis apparatu splendidus: "This last, however much splendidly appareled"

pregnant: 1) compelling, cogent, 2) ready, prepared

[shrieve]: Sheerse (Q); a sheriff

shriven: Pursenet links the act of shriving, imposing penance on a sinner, with his forcing people to give up their money.

V.ii.

[charms]: swarmes (Q)

bandora: an instrument resembling a guitar or lute, with three, four, or six strings

gittern: an instrument with wire strings, much like the cittern

cittern: an instrument somewhat like the guitar, with a flat soundbox, strung with wire strings, and played with a pick or quill

[not worthy to be]: new forth to (Q), obviously corrupt

FIRST COURTESAN: This line may more appropriately be given to one of the gallants "caught in the net."

confusion: destruction

shifts: tricks

covert-baron: protection; cf. The Phoenix V.ii.

[Whom]: to whom (Q)

rushes: straw, which was used to cover the floors; cf. Blurt, Master Constable I.i, A Chaste Maid in Cheapside III.ii, Romeo and Juliet IV.i.